Okay, so your girlfriend shows you that cupid-festooned ad for a Valentine’s Day hotel package which includes a gorgeous room filled with candy, flowers, and champagne, all for one heart-attack inducing price. You think to yourself, hahaha, never in a million years! That my friend, is the wrong answer. But we’re here to help. Bestir yourself to click on that little blue “more” over on the right, and you will learn how to do this for cheap.

First things first: DO reserve a room in a nice-ish hotel (if you can get a room with a Jacuzzi, do so and thank me later). And you know, when you make the reservation, make it by phone, not online…you can always try saying something like, “Gee, that’s a little steep; is there anything we could do to lower the price?” Say this wistfully. Ya never know, they might do it.

Meanwhile, do NOT get that whole “package” business. Just the room.

Then, go out and buy your own candy (you can buy something cheap but it’s gotta come in a heart-shaped box), buy your own champagne (this can be cheap, too–wrap a towel around the label), and buy your own flowers (forget the florist, get a bouquet from the supermarket–seriously–and nab a vase from your Mom–but don’t take her Waterford).

Finally, go to the hotel and put this stuff in place, THEN pick up the gal-pal, and dazzle her with your incredible thoughtfulness and seemingly endlessly deep pockets. And a good time will be had by all.