Back in the 60’s, Disneyland had a cool, house-of-the future you could poke around in. How cool? Well, according to an AP report in USA Today, it was “pod-shaped” and loaded with all the gizmos: “oddities included hands-free phones, wall-sized televisions and electric razors.” Electric razors! Now, they’re doing it again. The new “future house” will open in May. Want to know what’s inside this one? This is good, keep reading.

They’re calling this new futuristic Disney house a “smart” house. If you turn on the TV, for example, the lights will dim, music will shut off, popcorn will be made…well, that last bit, I made that up.

What else? Well, when you put your groceries on the countertop, some sort of software deal will “identify” your cans of Spam and Oreos and whatnot and produce recipes. For your sake, I hope you bought more than Spam and Oreos.

In the bedroom, closets and mirrors will somehow look at your clothes and suggest matching outfits. Fine. I know plenty of guys that might find this useful.

But, here’s the bad news: on the outside, this house is going to look like…a ranch-style house. A ranch house! No pod. No personal heliport. No Jetson stuff. No aliens hanging around, waiting to take over the world.

Is this what we want? Fie, I say. I’m going to start building my own futuristic place in the backyard right now. But first, I’m off to Petco (alien costume for the dog).