Disciples of the Marquis de Sade, this one’s for you.

It seems a woman preparing to board a plane in Lubbock last month set off the metal detector because of her nipple rings (or piercings; you know, metal stuck through flesh).

The TSA folks said, take ‘em off. Well, she tried, but apparently they were “unremovable”. So a TSA agent helpfully handed her a pair of pliers. That did the trick!

She wants an apology (oh, and she also hired attorney Gloria Allred– watch out, TSA!) Meantime, the woman eventually got through the metal detectors (which FAILED to detect her navel ring).

Tip O’ the Day: be sure your nipple rings are removable; also, listen to your mother and never to get ‘em in the first place (what about a tattoo, Ma?).

How many times have you sat on a plane and actually paid close attention to the flight attendants as they give their safety demonstration? It’s even easier to ignore when they eliminate the live performance and show the whole spiel on video.

Well, Delta Air Lines wants your attention…or at least the attention of those who find sassy, striking redheads appealing. As Wired reports, the star of Delta’s latest safety video is keeping eyes on the screen and garnering comparison to a certain Ms. Jolie, “the flight attendant has earned the nickname ‘Deltalina,’ in reference to everyone’s favorite Tomb Raider.”

I don’t know if this makes up for the long waits and rising ticket prices, but all of a sudden I do find myself very concerned about how the oxygen mask works and whether or not my seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. Check out Wired for a look at the video.

More geniuousity from Rick: his latest column on ABCNews.com reveals some cool facts and false myths.

Or are myths false anyway? Well, he debunks some, I’ll put it that way.

Plus, he doesn’t exactly tell you precisely when to buy tickets, but you’ll figure it out, if you just read the column.

Don’t drink and fly, and no, it doesn’t matter if you’re not the pilot.

2-passenger jets (in unrelated incidents) were forced to make emergency landings in Poland (Poland?) to remove some drunk guys.

Bozo #1 was on Germany’s budget airline, LTU, which was flying from Thailand to Dussesldorf. They took him off the plane, but his wife and child stayed put. Good move.

Bozo #2 was on a Lufthansa flight from Germany to the Ukraine when he decided to tell fellow passengers he was a terrorist. Bad move, especially since it turned out he wasn’t a terrorist (they checked) — he was simply a drunken moron! Allegedly, allegedly.

Poland? What’s the deal with Poland?

Well, maybe not exactly sexy…but cooler, definitely cooler.

According to an article in USA Today, the chain for the cheap is getting a makeover: yes, new bedspreads. Alright, there’s more.

We are talking about 32-inch flat-screen TVs, granite countertops and those big sinks that sort of sit on top of the counter and are a pain to clean (which is, of course, why I don’t have one).

But wait, there’s even more (if you keep on reading)…

Can’t imagine how I missed this. An Atlantic Southeast Airlines flight attendant was arriving for work at dawn for a Des Moines to Atlanta flight when she spotted a stowaway.

Eek! A mouse!

So naturally that led to a 5-hour delay. Workers had to see if he gnawed through anything important, like the “this-cable-flies-the-plane” cable.

So what happened next?

Our clever boss has done it again — in his latest column for ABCNews.com, Mr. FareCompare tells us what to do if we’re trapped in an airport because of delays or cancellations.

But even better, Mr. FC (that’s Rick Seaney to you) has his own post about this, COMPLETE WITH VITAL LINKS.

CHECK THEM OUT. YOU’LL BE GLAD YOU DID. I PROMISE.

Done shouting now.

Disclaimer: This post is NOT appropriate for the kids…

In the time we’ve been covering the airline industry, we’ve seen our share of strange flights and bizarre occurrences.

There have been drunk passengers, drunk flight attendants, miniskirts, and ladies who dubbed themselves “too pretty to fly.”

But NONE of that prepared us for THIS story that ran on Sky Talk today.

Keep reading to see what can happen while sleeping on a plane…

No, it’s not what you think.

We’re talking about switchgrass, a sometime ingredient in so-called “second generation” biofuels (“first generation” biofuels had stuff like corn and palm oil in them, which require a lot of water and land to produce so it’s not real “green” if you catch my drift).

Anyway, Continental is getting into the biofuel testing game (Virgin was the first), to reduce that fabled (and utterly cliched) carbon footprint.

Keep reading, because I have more to say.

Not many know this, but some airports have “theme songs”. Los Angeles International Airport, for example, has the cleverly named, “LA International Airport”, a country hit back in 1971 (hum along with me: “LA International Airport, where the big jet engines roar…”)

Ooh, the goose-bumps! Anyway, this was the subject of a snappy article in USA Today. And it got me to thinking…

Help me out here, people. Let’s find airport homes for The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again”, Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”, Tom Petty’s “Free Fallin’”, and the Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and “Paint it Black”.

Clearly, Jagger & Co. have spent some time in airports.

There’s a great post on Gadling today about false advertising among low-cost airlines. Mainly, these fake adverts boil down to misleading prices. A European low-cost carrier might offer penny airline tickets, but once taxes and fees are included, you end up spending over $100 (U.S.).

Gadling is quick to point out that usually these types of advertisements go unpunished, but easyJet may have finally crossed the line…

If you’ve ever cut it close on making a flight, or if you’ve had to change terminals to make and had to go through airport security for a second time in one day while desperately trying to make a connecting flight, you know that the 50 people in front of you with laptops can slow you down. The line just seems to pile up as people (most likely you included) reach into bags to pull out computers, portable DVD players, and any other large electronics they might have.

Well, the TSA feels your pain, and they want to do something about it. Or at least, they want to consider doing something about it. The TSA is in search of the perfect laptop bag; one that will let you run your laptop through while it’s still in its bag.

Keep reading to see exactly what the TSA is planning…

Those crazy kids over at Virgin had another big week. They’re launching Virgin Charter, which could give us a regular folks a shot at flying on a private jet.

In other Virgin luxury news, the doors of the SFO Virgin Atlantic Clubhouse are now open to those flying first class on Virgin America. Keep reading to see what a first class airline ticket on Virgin America and $40 can get you at the Clubhouse…