A friend and I have been “collecting” Spirit emails, to see which of their advertisements comes closest to being NSFW.

So many candidates.

Let’s see, there was the one that said, “We’re proud of our Double-D’s” (deep discounts). Then there was the campaign called “MILF Sale” (many islands, low fares — riiiiiight). Oh let’s not forget the “T & A” ad, and the one that made clever use of the word, “brazilian”.

Kind of funny to picture all these suits sitting around, cackling over how cool they are. Well, enjoy the free advertising.

This latest party boy incident (okay, sometimes these incidents involve party girls) was on an American flight yesterday (Dallas to Charlotte) when our hero got a little too happy.

What’s too happy?

According to gadling.com, in this case “too happy” was throwing ice around the cabin, saying bad words, and grabbing a flight attendant’s uh, hind-quarters. Happy juice of choice: rum and coke.

No doubt you’re thinking “crazed businessman” or “carefree-young-lad-making-merry-on-boring-flight” but you’d be wrong.

Party boy was traveling with the wife and kiddies.

How’s that spelled again? Oh, yeah. L-O-S-E-R.

Saw that Newsday had an article on travel stuff for women so you can keep up your “beauty” regimen on the road without breaking the ol’ 3-ounce liquid rule.

This includes some “sleek” and “elegant” shatter-proof/leak-proof bottles “created by a former flight attendant”.

And she sells 6 of these bottles for just $51.95. Now is that a bargain or what?

ANNE’S ALTERNATIVE: Go to Rite-Aid or CVS; buy cheap plastic bottles (probably can get 6 for less than 2-bucks). Fill them up with your gunk, then place in Zip-loc bag in case these inelegant containers are not leak-proof. Savings: $50.

Just tell me where to pick up my Nobel.

Saw this earlier, but forgot to post it:

David Letterman’s “Top 10 Signs You Have a Bad Travel Agent”.

My two favorites:

“Hotel stay is six days and two nights.”

“Your ‘plane ticket’ is a post-it note with the handwritten message ‘Please admit one to the airplane’.”

A group in Denver wants the okay to smoke marijuana in Denver International’s “smoking lounges”.

Hey, who knew they had smoking lounges? Who knew they had FOUR of them?!

Anyway, the “Safer Alternative for Enjoyable Recreation” folks want their weed while they wait for their planes.

Yeah, right. Good luck, guys!

Oh, wait…didn’t Denver voters okay a measure to make possession of an ounce or less, within city limits…legal? Indeed they did.

An Arizona State professor has gotten a grant from the Air Force to study turbulence.

Grant is worth $716,000, and Prof. Alex Mahalov will try to save lives with it.

No snide comments on this post. I mean, the life he saves could be my own.

If you’re looking to get loaded, light up, and throw down, can’t you just find a local bar or something? I mean, do you really have to take it to the skies? Apparently, if you’re Christina Szele, you do:

“An unruly JetBlue passenger from Queens who lit up a cigarette mid-flight Tuesday forced the 145-passenger flight to be diverted after she became violent and uncooperative when asked to stop smoking…” (from wcbstv.com)

The Queens native was arrested for assault and is being held in Denver. There are questions surrounding the number of drinks the passenger had consumed before the incident. Some say one, some say three, and some say the airline is “covering up” the number of drinks flight attendants served the passenger.

It’s still unknown if passengers on the JetBlue flight were able watch the events unfold on the news on their in-flight TVs.

From the crime blotter: Cops in Holly Springs, Georgia are Thieves.

Well, idea thieves, anyway.

They recently stole an idea from the airlines - the fuel surcharge! Beginning July 1, Holly Springs finest will add a $12 surcharge to all moving violations (no, not $350).

Saw the story in USA Today. It quotes some local whining about the new fee (”…government officials are trying to take money from citizens’ pockets…”).

Oh, boo-hoo.

Just don’t speed. Got that? And stay off the cell phone while you’re at it.

When you spend a large portion of your day combing airline websites for deals, stories, and the latest fees, they can all start to blend. Those generic FAQs may or may not be of any assistance at all, and will be dry and no fun read.

Even if you call the airline, it can take forever to speak to a human, and sadly they don’t always have the answers either. Thankfully, I have discovered Alaska Airlines online help, and I have fallen in love with a girl named Jenn. (Visit Alaska Airlines and click “Ask Jenn”, and you can meet her yourself.)

Sure Jenn is semi-animated and her voice resembles that of a robot, but she answers all the questions I have about the airline, and her pleasant demeanor never waivers. I can ask about fees, booking, baggage–anything, and Jenn seems to always have the answer. I really think we have a connection.

This digital help desk beauty is never thrown for a loop. Even when I ask Jenn if she loves me, she responds simply with “I love helping people.” OK, so we’re keeping it professional, I understand, but I believe her. I don’t know why, but I do.

Man, I need to get out more.

Look at that face — those hound dog eyes — doesn’t it make you just want to sink your fingers in those velvety neck rolls and give him a good deep scratching?

No?

Oh well. But look at this story on RickSeaney.com anyway. It’s for dog lovers and haters. And people who love — and hate — to fly with them.

Don’t get me started on cats. But they’re included in the story, too. Take a look. You’ll like it.

Did you know that zoos attract more visitors annually than all U.S. spectator sports combined??!!

Amazing, huh? Actually, I stole the above from an AP review of a new guidebook called “America’s Best Zoos: A Travel Guide for Fans and Families.”

It points out that we visit our hometown zoos, but we don’t bother to visit Dumbo when we’re out of town.

Maybe that would change if there were more programs like San Francisco’s “Woo at the Zoo” night; it features, uh, the romantic lives of our animal buddies. But as the website notes, this is for people “21 and over only“. Sorry kids.

It looks like we have another case on our hands of airline employees behaving badly.

Two former Delta Air Lines employees, a pilot and his fiancee flight attendant, are going to court for possession of opium poppies, which as reported by the Salt Lake City Tribune is a third-degree felony, punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000.

Now, it should be pointed out that at the poppies the two were in possession of can be purchased online, and that prosecutors acknowledge that “they’re everywhere.” However, along with the poppies, a small amount of marijuana and drug paraphernalia was found in the couple’s bedroom, leading to misdemeanor charges in addition to the felony charges.

Both the pilot and the flight attendant have been let go from Delta Air Lines (although the pilot reports that he retired, while the flight attendant claims she was fired). The real catch of the case is that the defendants claim the opium poppies were purchased for decorative purposes only. Regardless of why they wanted them, in the State of Utah possessing opium poppies is “the same as possessing cocaine or heroin.”

We’ll keep you informed to let you know how the decorating defense goes over, and whether or not the two former Delta Air Lines employees can have the felony charges dropped.

The lovely Consumerist site features a pretty good complaint from a…consumer. A consumer of Northwest Airlines flights.

Here’s the deal: said consumer paid $30 each way to be upgraded to the glories of NWA’s “Coach Choice”. Figured, cool, I’ll travel in style! I’ll get more leg room! But what did this poor sap get? Not much — but let consumer tell it:

“No more legroom! No extra width! No better service! Hell, they’re not even at the front of the cabin! (Mine were row 28).”

He/she should have read the “Coach Choice” FAQ’s on NWA’s website before shelling out that cash:

Q: What is Coach Choice?
A: Coach Choice is designed to provide added choice and comfort, particularly to late-booking business travelers, by saving some preferred coach seat assignments until check-in. For a modest fee, customers can confirm reserved exit, aisle and window seats at nwa.com or Self-Service Check-in Kiosks 24 hours prior to departure.

I guess there really IS no place like home.

A Northeastern University study of cell phone users concluded that most people don’t travel much.

In fact, somebody crunched the numbers and found out that 83% of those in this study stayed mostly within a 37-mile wide circle, from home.

“There’s no place like home” (click those heels together) “…no place like home…”

In the biggest affront to the Transformers franchise since Soundwave was left out of the movie, a traveler at London Heathrow allegedly was told he couldn’t fly because he was wearing a shirt featuring a Transformer holding a gun.

The shirt, featuring famed Autobot leader Optimus Prime was said to be offensive by a Heathrow security guard, so the man changed shirts before boarding. This is London quotes a Heathrow rep as saying “If a T-shirt had a rude word or a bomb on it, for example, a passenger may be asked to remove it. We are investigating what happened to see if it came under this category. If it’s offensive, we don’t want other passengers upset.”

What’s more offensive to me (and to some of those who left comments) is that the guy in question seems to think Megatron is on his shirt. Come on, man. That’s totally Prime.

And it’s not just any official: it’s U.S. Transportation Secretary Mary Peters!

But she’s not with a barnyard animal; she’s on her motorcycle. She’s an “enthusiast” and you can see her and hog on this PSA touting motorcycle safety.

Am sure this mode of transportation is giving her great miles-per-gallon. Certainly better than any 747.