A plane was forced to turn around and go back to Bangor International yesterday, because of the “unruly” behavior of two passengers, a man and a woman. The cops then arrested them.

Not their first arrest this week, though.

Monday, the contentious couple was stopped for going 108mph on Interstate 95. Has it occurred to them that they might have serious transportation issues?

Put this at the top of the list of “Surprises That Make Flight Attendants Cranky”.

This surprise took place on a Delta flight from LA to Atlanta. The flight attendants noticed that a restroom was occupied as the plane coming in for a landing.

So they prudently wait for the plane to touch down, then opened up the restroom door, and…there’s a dead body inside.

Presumably, it was the body of a passenger. No cause of death, and no identity has been announced, so far.

UPDATE: Authorities say the 61 year old woman (and yes, she was a passenger) died of a pre-existing heart condition. Sad.

We always hear about the drunks on the plane that disrupt everything — but then what?

Well, as Paul Harvey used to say (or still says for all I know), here’s the rest of the story. Well, the rest of one story, anyway.

Last December, a hockey player for the Florida Everblades got into a ruckus on an American Airlines flight when he didn’t get as much alcohol as he requested; and by ruckus, I mean he smacked a flight attendant, head-butted a passenger, and in a daring bit of deviltry, exposed himself.

Anyway, those ominous wheels of justice grind slowly, but grind they do, and this week our hockey player was sentenced to a year and a day in prison. Course, that probably means he’ll be out in a few days, but hey…

I love the word “rampage”.

And that’s what two British women are accused of going on. This was during a charter flight from Greece to England.

Flight attendants on the flight refused to serve the ladies alcohol, as it appeared they had already been “over-served” as they say. The ladies disagreed, and hit a flight attendant with a bottle of vodka.

Then they tried to open a cabin door as the plane was cruising at 32,000 feet — but readers of our brother blog, RickSeaney.com would not have been alarmed — they would know such a feat is impossible.

Let’s see. We’ve written about drunk Germans on a plane. Drunk Americans on a plane. Drunk Russians on a plane. See a unifying theme here?

Yes. The intoxicating brotherhood of man. We are the world.

With the new X-Files movie starting today, it seems only appropriate that we should talk a little bit about aliens.

Apparently Agents Mulder and Scully aren’t the only ones with extraterrestrial life and a vast government cover-up on their minds. Former Apollo 14 astronaut Dr. Edgar Mitchell made some very bold claims on a radio show recently, stating that aliens do exist and that the “‘little people who look strange to us” have visited Earth on several occasions. Dr. Mitchell also claims that military and government officials have gone to great lengths to keep the aliens under wraps:

“It’s been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60 years or so, but slowly it’s leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been briefed on some of it…”

Dr. Mitchell, who shares the record for the longest moon walk (9 hours), is said to have conducted private ESP experiments while on his Apollo 14 mission, so this isn’t his first foray into the “unseen.”

The folks at NASA responded to Dr. Mitchell’s claims by saying, “Dr. Mitchell is a great American, but we do not share his opinions on this issue.”

If the former astronaut does turn out to be right, it could make that Virgin Galactic maiden voyage even more exciting.

Visit news.com.au for more details on Dr. Mitchell’s recent radio interview and his thoughts on alien technology.

Isn’t that a great headline? You can thank WCBS TV. Stressful flight. Here we go…

It seems an attorney from New York is suing Delta for $5 million because the airline’s alleged incompetence and indifference left him stranded last October because of an airport workers strike. So…it was the airport at fault? Well, no, says Mr. Lawyer — Delta’s at fault because apparently passengers couldn’t rebook flights over the phone; they had to go to the “chaotic” airport. He eventually flew home via American — and Delta didn’t reimburse him.

I’d like to hear the other side — unfortunately, Delta’s people have that “Pending-Litigation-Must-Not-Comment” thing going.

But, here’s the kicker — know where the guy was “stranded”?

He was “stranded” — in Paris. For four long days. Poor baby!

Alright, alright…nobody likes being “stranded” anywhere, I get it. But if everyone sued because of “stressful” flights — we’d never have to worry about flying ever again because we’d all own huge and numerous private jets with Batman as our personal pilot because we’d all be RICH.

I’m sure you heard the news: starting this summer, if you refuse to give the TSA identification, you will be “denied access to the secure area of airports.” Am assuming these “secure areas” include those “secure ramps” that allow you to get on “secure planes”.

Fine with me.

Now it’s a different matter if you’ve lost your ID (or were a total nutcake and forgot it). You could be subjected to all kinds of “enhanced screening” and maybe “interviews with behavior detection or other law enforcement officers”.

So what’ll they ask you? We turn to our pals at Consumerist.com who tell us that the TSA accesses all kinds of info on you, everything from old addresses to wedding anniversary dates, etc., etc., so you might want to study up on your past and present life.

Personally, I can remember my childhood home phone number — but the rest — pretty blurry.

Wonderful story in the LA Times today (by Bob Pool) about a flight attendant who passes out crayons — to adults.

Jewel Van Valin started doing this after 9/11 to calm the nerves of anxious passengers.

It worked. People liked it. They still like it. And Van Valin has collected and kept them all. Now the Delta flight attendant is looking for a place to display what she calls this “Plane Art”. They should be seen, she says, because “many of these are very good.”

She’s right. See them for yourself.

A naked man was running around an American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles Saturday, when Naked Man thought it would be a good idea to open an emergency door in mid-flight (by the way, that can’t be done).

A soccer team on the same plane, the New England Revolution, thought that was a bad idea, and restrained him.

Plane landed (unplanned) in Oklahoma City so Naked Man could go to a crisis center for “observation”. Soccer team went on to win World Cup. Well, not really. But they’re aces in my book.

A change-of-command ceremony was temporarily disrupted when a wayward civilian sky diver crash-landed in the midst of a military band.

Those military musicians really got slammed: the sky diver, who was going about 50 mph, left one soldier with a broken jaw, another with a fractured an ankle, and assorted other injuries.

And two sousaphones were destroyed.

After the casualties were taken away, the band — and I don’t know how they did this — continued to play — sans sousaphones.

A Ft. Riley spokesman had this explanation: “We soldiered on.”

Well…of course.

In his latest column for ABCNews.com, our boss Rick Seaney — an excellent executive and all-star human being — asks this question: will the airlines ever drop all their new fees?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yes, Rick knows the score — but, please — read for yourself — just click here.

Remember that day — July 17, 1996 — when TWA’s flight 800 exploded in mid-air off Long Island, killing all 230 onboard?

A lot has happened in the 12 years since then — including the demise of TWA.

But, good news: They’re finally getting around to fixing the “problem”.

According to a report from WJLA in Arlington, the feds are going to unveil “new safety rules” to prevent this. As I know you know, the authorities blamed the explosion on a spark igniting vapors in the 747’s tank. Now, it seems, there will be “new rules calling on the airline industry to fit some planes with a system that will use nitrogen to reduce the flammability of fuel tanks.”

Only took a dozen years.

Meanwhile, if you have a moment tomorrow — the anniversary — maybe send a thought to the families of the dead. Time does not heal all wounds.

Well, I doubt it.

But…people do indeed fly to these things (and according to a report from the Florida Sun-Sentinel, as many as a third of reunion attendees will travel 500 miles which boggles my mind).

Now let me boggle yours: a poll by the Travel Industry Association “found one in three adults - about 72 million - in the United States attended a family reunion in the three previous years.”

What’s with these guys? All this…(shudder)…togetherness?

I thought avoiding Uncle Fester and Auntie Em was one of the reasons they invented email.

Do mummies move you? Keen on coffins? Have we got a tour for you.

VirtualTourist.com has a list of 8 top burial sites (via Reuters) that includes such gems as “Hanging Coffins” in the Philippines; the “Bone House” of Austria; “Sky Burials” in Tibet; or just good old-fashioned long-haired mummies in Peru.

Boy, oh, boy do they have something for everyone!

Now, just imagine the souvenirs.

Let me set the scene: a United Airlines flight from Denver to Des Moines is getting ready to go when, suddenly, alert passengers notice 3 ticks in the cabin.

According to United’s ever-unflappable Robin Urbanski, no ticks were found on anyone. However, the flight was delayed while a new, un-ticked jet was readied for service.

The Des Moines Register gave a fine description of this tick-ish mystery: “How the wayward arachnids got on the jet had not been determined.”

Okay, I have a couple of questions:

• 1. What were the ticks doing? Just sitting around?
• 2. Were there any dogs on board?
• 3. How does anyone happen to notice “3 ticks in the cabin”?
• 4. Were there any deer on board?
• 5. Were the ticks ticketed?
• 6. Why didn’t someone just stomp them?

What IS it with drunken passengers these days?

Used to be, they’d just sit there and get quietly soused. Today, they grab various portions of flight attendant personageorget real drunk and claim to be aterrorist (can you get any stupider?).

Our latest party boy was a first class passenger on Delta (see — it’s not just the rabble in coach);he got mad because he saw “lesser” passengers being allowed to deplane ahead of him. So, he put on his thinking cap, and decided HE’D deplane first — by pulling open an emergency hatch and sliding down the chute — whee!

A police officialsaid the man appeared intoxicated.And yourfirst clue was…?

A Delta official said,the manwill pay for his unauthorized ride.

UPDATE: Southwest gave them refunds. If you ask me, Southwest went way above & beyond.

Okay, a mother and her four kids (and a pregnant aunt) were flying Southwest from Detroit to Phoenix to Seattle.

But Phoenix was the end of the line as far as the airline was concerned. According to Southwest, the kids were “disruptive and unruly” and the airline feared for the safety of the passenger and crew.

A news report noted that two of the children have medical problems, but Mom admits the kids “were a little bit out-of-control” and heck, this was their first flight.

Anyway, the family did get to Seattle, but the report gives us no clue as to what airline eventually flew them. Wonder what was that flight like?

See the video. Were you on the plane with them? If so, describe.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, YOU FIRECRACKERS!!!

Have fun, stay safe, buy plane tickets.

From your pals at StandardUprightPosition.com and FareCompare.com

Just in case you’ll be flying Russia’s Aeroflot Airlines anytime soon, I thought I’d help you out with some “do’s” and “don’ts” from their website.

Look for them in a handy section called “Rules of Passenger Conduct”.

DON’T: “Create situations endangering flight safety or the life, health and dignity of other passengers and also of the airline personnel, to permit her- or himself any verbal or physical insult toward them.”

DO: “In the event that her or his life, health, honour or personal dignity is in danger, to approach airline employees and demand protection.”

Wish I could “demand protection” on some of the domestic flights I’ve taken recently — I’ve had numerous insults to my dignity, in the form of fees for checked luggage, surly flight attendants, and…well, you see what I mean.