Whoa! It seems a guy in first class on American Airlines asked for a glass of orange juice.

And with that, the flight attendant began screaming at him.

And she went on and on. Fortunately for this fellow, everyone around him saw what was happening and couldn’t believe it – and acting as a group, met with an airline rep to defend this guy, once their Sacramento to Dallas flight landed. Meanwhile, the flight attendant tried to get the O.J. fellow in big trouble, but the other passengers were having none of that.

Funny how some of the comments I’ve seen say, oh, don’t pick on flight attendants – maybe this woman was just having a very bad day. Well, apparently. But I don’t think anyone is picking on any group – including flight attendants – it just sounds like this woman is nuts.

Plenty of people out there are having bad days – plenty of people out there have seen their salaries chopped – their jobs disappear – plenty. But they don’t behave like this. This — this is inexcusable.

Are you getting as sick of this as I am?

The story: 100 passengers aboard a United jet on a runway at Heathrow were told to get off the plane – after they’d been sitting there for an hour.

Why? They were told the pilot was “sick”. But he wasn’t sick. He’d been arrested. The charge was “suspicion of exceeding the prescribed alcohol limit.”

He’s out on bail, and yes, United is saying all the usual things, like safety-is-our-highest-priority and we’ve-got-the-strictest-alcohol-policy-in-the-world, but you know what? None of that means anything if your people don’t do it.

And it’s not just United – an American pilot ran into allegedly similar difficulties at Heathrow earlier this year.

Is it really so difficult? Avoiding alcohol? I don’t think so. Millions of other people somehow manage to show up at work perfectly sober, day in and day out. Tawdry.

Whoa.

A Boston TV stations is reporting that the FBI has questioned two flight attendants (and maybe more) who were on an American Airlines flight yesterday – the flight where ?a “bomb threat” note was found in one of the aircraft’s lavatories.

Here’s the kicker: again, per Boston’s 7News, those same flight attendants (a man and a woman) were also questioned about a similar incident that occurred two weeks ago.

In both cases, nothing was found – but the incidents resulted in tedious delays for the passengers.

I’m kind of hoping it’s not the crew. I mean, if it is, well…how creepy is that?

You probably heard about this: Scott Weiland of the reconstituted Stone Temple Pilots was flying from LA to Miami last week (no private jet – it was an American Airlines flight) when, he had a seizure.

His folks have tried to downplay it, but it was serious enough for American to make an unscheduled stop in Dallas and have the frontman taken to a hospital.

But he proved his resilience – yet again – when he was back performing 24 hours later.

All the reports noted that Weiland has “a history of seizures”. Ah.

The DEA has arrested a bunch of people who were allegedly involved in an extracurricular for-profit business – smuggling drugs from Puerto Rico to the U.S. mainland.

The entrepreneurial entourage included 8 American Airlines employees, who worked in Miami and San Juan.

Listen, we know times are tough, but sheesh – crime is never the answer. Well, okay, sometimes it seems like crime pays, but really – it doesn’t.

AA’s Tim Wagner said, “We hope the actions of a few employees don’t reflect negatively on the tens of thousands of ethical American Airlines employees who work hard to serve the public daily.”

I’m with you there, Tim.

Good news for those of us who will be traveling with pets through the American Airlines Terminal at JFK: the carrier has installed a new “Pet Relief Area”.

It’s a grassy patch of…well, grass…located on the departure level and it includes a lovely red fire hydrant and a “Mutt Mitt” dispenser (and trash barrel) for getting rid of Sparky’s work product.

Don’t you love PR-speak? A sample: “Pets that travel have comfort needs, too.” The press release goes on to say this gives our “canine or feline friends a final chance to relieve themselves” before hopping on the plane.

Have you ever tried to get a dog to go? Taken Sparky outside at midnight – and begged him to hurry up because you were desperate to get to bed? Of course you have. And did he go? Of course he didn’t.

You may recall that after the September 11^th terror attacks, the TSA ordered that the so-called “privacy curtain” that separates first or business class and steerage economy class be taken down. But now they’re coming back!

Well, it’s happening on American Airlines, anyway. According to the Chicago Tribune, this is because of requests from first class passengers – and they are delighted with their new draperies.

Same thing at United – actually that carrier started doing this a few years back, “in response to requests from our customers for additional privacy and comfort.” Gotta love the Trib’s response to that:

“It’s not clear to us how the curtains improve privacy or exactly what passengers in first class are doing on flights that calls for the need for privacy.” -Chicago Tribune, 6-17-09

Goodness! But personally I think the real reason for the curtains is, class warfare. First class vs. economy. However, if the first-classers want to pay 10 times what my ticket cost, I say let ‘em have curtains.

Dude! Whatta ya doin’ in there? Oh…never mind.

Apparently, a cigarette had nothing to do with it – but something was smoking on the Boeing 767 – and officials think it was actually the bathroom fan.

The American Airlines jetliner had been heading from New York to Zurich but made an emergency landing in Nova Scotia when smoke got in the cabin.

This was Tuesday night. I’d like to think that all 210 passengers are now happily yodeling in the Alps by now.

Information, as they say, is sketchy – but an American Airlines pilot did indeed fail a breath test at London’s Heathrow just before he was to pilot a plane to Chicago.

Apparently security staff as Heathrow noticed something amiss – alerted the police – and the unnamed pilot was tested. We are presuming this was for alcohol, but that is not known. The passengers had to cool their heels for awhile, as the airline had to hunt up a replacement.

I’d say it’s a good thing someone noticed something – the Chicago-bound flight carried 204 passengers – I can see the grim headlines now.

Stupid pilot. By drinking – or abusing another substance – you risked your career, your life, and the lives of so many others. Fortunately, you wound up only risking your career.

So tell us, pal- was it worth it?

Well, at least we know the system works!

Someone among the flight crew (who? who??) on an American Airlines plane heading to Miami Monday accidentally flipped the switch that means, hijacking underway!

Only, there wasn’t one. Nevertheless, as CNN reported, “two fighter jets were scrambled from Homestead Air Reserve Base, and police and fire-rescue units flooded the tarmac.”

Okay, so we know it works. But I wonder how much that “scramble” cost anyway? I ought to get an answer, since I paid for that mistake – and you did, and you did, and everybody who pays their taxes did…

Starting next month, American Airlines will start using “stemmed tulip-shaped globes” – wineglasses – on its 777 and 767-200 planes. And not only will they be all nice and tulip-y, but they will be bigger!

Why are they doing this? So passengers can “more easily swirl the wine and enjoy its aromas”. But of course. And maybe put more of that tasty swirly stuff in the glass.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, yes, this is only for…first class passengers. Well, that lets me out. Grrr.

I have no idea why planes don’t look like stock cars – they’re starting to slap advertising everywhere else.

Like tray tables -on a recent US Airways flight, my tray table was covered with a huge ad (NOTE: I only noticed this because the tray table accidentally fell open – if you think I was actually going to open it myself to place a $2 Coke on it, you’ve got another think coming).

The latest? American Airlines is putting ads on their boarding passes (along with “value-added, destination-specific” info, too!).

They’re not the first – others have done it. So – what about NASCAR planes? Slap an STP decal on the tail? I’m cool with that.

Heeeeeee’s baaaack! Or maybe I should say, his stuff is.

And of course, I’m talking about Tutankhamun, Egypt’s boy king who lived…uh, a long time ago. His fancy stuff (gold crowns, jewels and other geegaws) has arrived in the U.S. on American Airlines, and you’ll be able to see the exhibit, formally called “Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs” when it opens in Dallas on Oct. 3.

Take a look if you can – 4 million people did during a 4-city U.S. tour back in 2005 – 2007, and they all liked it.

You heard about that recent American Airlines emergency landing and slide evacuation, right?

Well somebody smelled smoke — but they never did find anything.

Which brings us to good/bad jokes. There’s plenty of them out there these days, ripping the airlines over those exciting new fees they’re forcing us to pay ($2 for a little bottle of water? Thanks, US Airways!). Anyway, saw a decent joke about the emergency landing on Fark, and goodness knows, it’s one of the few I can print — so I thought I’d share.

“An American Airlines jet made an emergency landing at LAX — all passengers willing to pay the $10 emergency egress fee, were evacuated via slides.”

I didn’t say it was going to be brilliant.

Now, the picture of the bulldog in green — that, you must admit, is special.

A naked man was running around an American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles Saturday, when Naked Man thought it would be a good idea to open an emergency door in mid-flight (by the way, that can’t be done).

A soccer team on the same plane, the New England Revolution, thought that was a bad idea, and restrained him.

Plane landed (unplanned) in Oklahoma City so Naked Man could go to a crisis center for “observation”. Soccer team went on to win World Cup. Well, not really. But they’re aces in my book.

This latest party boy incident (okay, sometimes these incidents involve party girls) was on an American flight yesterday (Dallas to Charlotte) when our hero got a little too happy.

What’s too happy?

According to gadling.com, in this case “too happy” was throwing ice around the cabin, saying bad words, and grabbing a flight attendant’s uh, hind-quarters. Happy juice of choice: rum and coke.

No doubt you’re thinking “crazed businessman” or “carefree-young-lad-making-merry-on-boring-flight” but you’d be wrong.

Party boy was traveling with the wife and kiddies.

How’s that spelled again? Oh, yeah. L-O-S-E-R.

Okay, you’re the pilot of an American Airlines plane, on the runway at Dallas heading to Paris. You and/or your colleagues hear the following:

1. Loud noises (from the belly of the plane)
2. Loud shaking noises
3. An explosion

What do you do?

A. Stop the plane
B. Stop the plane!
C. Keep flying to Paris

If you guessed C., you too can work for American Airlines! (Yeah, yeah, they all got to Paris safely, even though a panel to the air-conditioning system popped off, blah, blah…but…I mean, really).