Do you even notice what flight attendants wear anymore? Me neither.

But maybe you will once Cynthia Rowley gets finished – she’s designing new stuff for United’s crews, and I trust it’ll be more exciting than that terrible 80′s look with all the bows-at-the-neck and those excruciating just-below-the-knee skirts.

Hey, maybe she’ll stage a return to Southwest’s 70′s hot pants!

How do I know about all these old uniforms? I have an inside source – a flight attendant – who actually collects uniforms, and puts them on a website (click “uniforms”), so you can see them too!

Gisele (that’s Mrs. Tom Brady to you) has just passed her written test for helicoptering; now she has to acquire more flight time before passing the flying part.

Why is the supermodel doing this? Hey, just because they’re supermodels doesn’t mean they’re dumb – besides, she’s not blond. Apparently, she wants to be able to commute quickly between Boston (Brady’s football HQ) and New York (where Gisele does modeling).

Besides, these are very rich people, and as Fitzgerald once said, the rich are different (to which Hemingway responded, yeah, they have more money!).

Imagine you’re Gisele Bundchen -you’re a cool and beautiful person married to a famous quarterback and you’re several months pregnant. What do you do?

You take helicopter lessons. At least that’s what the Patriot Ledger of Quincy, Mass. tells us. She’s taking lessons out at Marshfield Airport, south of Boston. And naturally, she’s terrific – or so says the guy who runs the helicopter company: “She’s excellent. She’s one of the best pilots we’ve ever seen.”

Of course she is. But then, she’s Gisele Bundchen – Supermodel.

Arghhh.

This was going to be a post playing off last night’s Emmys – you know, “You missed the Emmys, so why not fly to the 2010 Oscars” (March 7, 2010) — that type of thing.

In other words, how to be one of those geeks on the bleachers looking on at all the red carpet entrances outside the Kodak Theater – but – the deadline to nab those seats just ended!

Here’s the plan for Oscars 2011: go to the Academy Awards official website starting next summer – and look for an announcement about registering for the bleacher seats lottery (this year, registration was from 9/14 thru 9/20). Sometime in October, you’ll be told if you’ve won a seat.

If you do win, you can’t sell those seats, and you’re required to give out your social security number (and possibly undergo a background check) but otherwise, you’re golden.

You’ve seen the story – Delta’s new “red dress” uniform for flight attendants. It sure is getting a lot of attention, but not because of the way it looks (it’s pretty nice) – nope, it’s getting attention for the sizes it comes in. Or doesn’t come in.

It seems the red garment is not available in sizes above 18 – although apparently it is available in in navy blue. And the union that represented flight attendants at Northwest, who of course now work for Delta, say – that’s not right. They maintain the red should come in bigger sizes, too.

However, the union will not say how many flight attendants need the red dress in larger sizes or how many larger-sized flight attendants even want this dress in red (not many, would be my guess).

Strikes me as a union power play – and there’s nothing wrong with that. But here’s what I don’t get:

According to the Associated Press, “red dress” designer Richard Tyler says, “I want them to look sexy and great.” Now what do the flight attendants think about that? After all, they are constantly drumming into our heads that they’re there for our safety – and they sure got upset over Spirit Airlines’ “sexy” ad campaigns.

Flight attendants – what is the deal?

The San Francisco Chronicle reported that on a flight from Montana to Salt Lake, actress Sharon Stone by some accounts, had some baggage issues, i.e., allegedly bringing too much on board – and the paper went on to note that a fellow passenger said, “She made a scene during the entire flight.”

But the Chronicle, a fair-minded publication, also points out that Stone’s “high powered publicist” Paul Bloch said the whole thing was a big misunderstanding, that a flight attendant “shouted” at Stone, and “it was his client who was the victim.”

The Chronicle, by the way, used to be run by Stone’s ex-husband. Not for awhile, though.

Oh, my. Last month, a woman on an Aeroflot flight from Moscow to LA was experiencing pain in her chest, and collapsed just as the jet began its descent.

Turns out one of her breast implants burst.

Now, ladies, before you get all uh, bent out of shape, doctors said that while the pressure differential may have had something to do with the woman’s predicament – the main problem seemed to be that her implant had been “damaged” before the flight. That’s according to reports I saw (and the woman is said to have recovered nicely).

Some bloggers have noted that the woman came to the right place. Yes, I know some of you will say, “South America is the capital of plastic surgery!” but we know Los Angeles is THE place for plastic. Good and bad.

I saw this and thought, “What a good idea!” Then I saw the price tag. Well…

The product is called, Ekosteps – we’re talking disposable footwear – sort of a thong type of deal made from recycled paper. Picture thin-soled cardboard-ish flip flops. Or just look at the photo to the left.

Forget fashion, this is about function: Ekosteps are meant to protect your bare feet after you’ve put your shoes on the conveyor belt at security and now must make the trek through the metal detector in your socks, or worse, barefoot. Barefoot across a floor where oh so many other bare feet have already passed (ewwwwwww). Best of all, these are TSA approved!

These unisex Ekosteps are sold in packages of five pairs for $19.99 – and shipping will cost you another ten bucks. You can get more information from the Ekosteps website here.

Loved the piece about them in the Dallas Morning News – they noted that while these paper sandals are meant for one-time use, Ekosteps CEO Orin France said he’s worn a single pair “in daily activities for as long as two weeks.”

I want to know what “daily activities” means. Did he wear them to some swanky place for lunch? Was it raining?

That Dave.

In his Top Ten list the other night, he talked about the “Highlights of Sarah Palin’s Trip to New York”.

Number 2 on the list:

“Bought makeup from Bloomingdale’s to update her ‘slutty flight attendant’ look.” –David Letterman, June 8, 2009

Like flight attendants aren’t dealing with enough everyday insults.

Okay, the finalists have been selected, and now YOU help choose the winner.

The winner being, the photograph that best represents America – especially to foreign visitors – you know, the people we want to entice into coming over here to help pump up our economy.

I suggested earlier that the perfect photo would be a cowboy motif – yes, I am so original – and indeed, some of the photographers appeared to heed my advice!

Tell you what: if five people comment and say which photo they voted for, I will tell you which one I chose (hint: I voted for the best photo).

The above words come from a Bloomingdale’s email – and yes, it does have to do with travel, though admittedly, it’s a stretch.

Bloomie’s, you see, is advertising vacation clothing – and this latest collection of theirs is called “chic, stylish and effortlessly versatile”. Sounds like a description of yours truly.

They do have some pretty clothes, though I cannot vouch for their effortless versatility-ish-ness – you’ll have to see for yourself, here – oh, and don’t miss the “Silk Romper” for $380.  Sheesh – we advertise flights for less than that.

What’s an iconic image of America? I got it – a cowboy riding the range. Okay, go ahead and take that picture, but you must split your winnings with me.

Or not. But do go to this site on USA Today and they’ll give you the details.

The winning photos will actually be displayed on a new site called DiscoverAmerica, which is part of the U.S. Travel Association’s marketing campaign to lure more foreign travelers here. And that’s what you have to keep in mind -your picture is supposed to be an “iconic image of America that will attract foreign visitors to the USA.” Like I said — cowboy.

You can win hotel stays, air travel vouchers and more. Plus, the judges will include some of those cool dudes from National Geographic -so – get going.

Now this is one funny site.

It’s called “Uniform Freak” and it’s the result of a childhood obsession with aviation, and — flight attendant uniforms – an obsession that grew into a collection of about 800 outfits. Wouldn’t you know, the collector is now also a flight attendant! His name is Cliff.

Anyway, go to the site and click “uniforms”- and choose an airline – he lists literally hundreds of airlines – then click the airline to see the fashion show. My favorites:

Delta’s 1950′s uniforms -like something a grown-up Brownie Troop would wear.

TWA’s brief foray into “paper uniforms” – one of the more unfortunate trends of the ’60′s.

Braniff’s groovy Pucci mini’s.

Forget the 80′s – every airline outfitted every flight attendant in the same, dreary bow-at-the-collar-blouse with unflatteringly longish skirts.

Another disappointment – when you click Southwest, all you see are the prim shorts of today – and none of the hot pants and go-go boots of yesteryear.

Where has the LA Times been? Southwest put its giant “Bar Refaeli in a Really Tiny Bikini” picture on one of its planes almost a month ago, but the paper (or one of its bloggers) seems to be just now reacting to it.

The reaction? “Ew.”

I’m not saying I disagree. Can’t help it – I was inoculated with conventional good taste long ago, so I find this stuff somewhat tacky. But why the long wait to blast the airline?

I’m sure the folks at Southwest are delighted – as the publicity lingers on…and on…

Oh, in case you were wondering, Southwest – I still love you. Can’t help it – I was inoculated with conventional cheapness long ago.

Saw that Newsday had an article on travel stuff for women so you can keep up your “beauty” regimen on the road without breaking the ol’ 3-ounce liquid rule.

This includes some “sleek” and “elegant” shatter-proof/leak-proof bottles “created by a former flight attendant”.

And she sells 6 of these bottles for just $51.95. Now is that a bargain or what?

ANNE’S ALTERNATIVE: Go to Rite-Aid or CVS; buy cheap plastic bottles (probably can get 6 for less than 2-bucks). Fill them up with your gunk, then place in Zip-loc bag in case these inelegant containers are not leak-proof. Savings: $50.

Just tell me where to pick up my Nobel.