The one-time Qantas flight attendant who at first suggested actor Ralph Fiennes lured her into a lavatory for aeronautical hijinks awhile back, then later revealed she did the luring – was in court the other day because of “an alleged incident outside a restaurant”.

The case was continued. By the way, she no longer works for Qantas.

It hasn’t been all beer and skittles for Fiennes, either. Couple of years ago, Keith Olbemann named the Oscar-nominee as one of his endless parade of “worst people in the world” for his part in what the UK tabloids have called the mile-high “romp”. C’mon, Keith, surely there were more deserving contenders…

I know the world is waiting on this one.

According to TMZ (and say what you like, they were right on Michael Jackson), Britney Spears seemed to sweep through security at LAX with an exceedingly large cup (Big Gulp?) that she put to her mouth again and again.

And as we all know, TSA rules say, bringing liquid thru security is a no-no.

Good news, though – TMZ updated their post to say Britney’s cup contained ice chips - so it was okay!

And indeed, on the video, she can in fact be seen crunching after taking a “swig”.

Gisele (that’s Mrs. Tom Brady to you) has just passed her written test for helicoptering; now she has to acquire more flight time before passing the flying part.

Why is the supermodel doing this? Hey, just because they’re supermodels doesn’t mean they’re dumb – besides, she’s not blond. Apparently, she wants to be able to commute quickly between Boston (Brady’s football HQ) and New York (where Gisele does modeling).

Besides, these are very rich people, and as Fitzgerald once said, the rich are different (to which Hemingway responded, yeah, they have more money!).

Well, it was a controversy – but it’s over now.

Seems a move to rename tiny Souther Field of Americus, Georgia ran into some opposition from the locals – who weren’t thrilled by the sound of “Jimmy Carter Regional Airport”.

Some of those nay-sayers said it was a matter of history – for 90 years, the little airfield was called Souther in honor of Maj. Henry Souther, a WWI Army aviation pioneer.

If they were going to rename it for anyone, why not Charles Lindbergh? He lived at Souther Field for a few weeks back in 1923 while he learned to fly (he bought his first plane at Souther, for $500). But maybe it would get confused with San Diego.

Whatever – Souther is now Carter – at the moment, anyway. The former president said he figured in another 20 or 30 years, it would be time to change the name again.

O tempora o mores!

Here’s a fine mess.

A former flight attendant aboard Oprah Winfrey’s private jet says she was fired after being accused of having sex on the plane (while it was on the ground).

I’m not going to speculate as to who Corrine Gehrls’ partner was but the chief pilot was fired, too. They both say, it never happened, and they passed polygraphs.

Oprah’s not the only one being sued -flight attendant Kirby Bumpus is also a target, as she is supposedly one of those who made the accusation against Gehrls.

Bumpus, by the way, is the daughter of Gayle King, the stereotypical BFF – and Oprah’s constant sidekick. Bumpus is also Oprah’s goddaughter.

We told you about Ashton and Demi and their rough landing earlier this summer – now let us tell you about Brooke and Belushi!

Okay, not much to tell, but that didn’t stop People magazine from blogging about it – anyway, it seems Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi were on a Cessna, which landed at a little private airstrip at Hearst Castle in San Simeon (and, if you haven’t been to this coastal California landmark, you really should go – it’s just beautiful).

Anyway, the pilot didn’t turn on the brakes (maybe, “turn on” is the wrong expression, but they were not doing their job) and the little plane hit an SUV and – BOOM went the dynamite.

Okay, maybe not quite “boom” but the plane broke its mirror and gave the vehicle a good scrape, but there were no injuries. Except to the SUV. And it was a rental.

Why were these celebs there in the first place? “Attending a private function” according to People – and goodness knows what that could mean.

Goodness gracious, weren’t we just talking about the Snoopster and his penchant for airport hijinks?

Well, it’s happened again – at Beirut International. Seems, rapper Snoop Dogg was there, heading out after a concert in Lebanon, when he was stopped by security.

Mr. Dogg was wearing a necklace of old bullet casings – no, no, it’s not what you think – this is the latest thing from a company called Bullets 4 Peace, which sells artistic ammo pieces (like the one at left – price: $275). Some of the money is said to go to charity but I don’t know how much or to what charities (though the site does feature a logo for one of Madonna’s pet causes).

Anyway, hard to believe, but bullets are still no laughing matter in Lebanon, so there was a bit of an “issue” and the Doggalator’s necklace was confiscated.

Wonder why a guy with his airport history doesn’t just break down and get a private plane?

We’re not going to debate the merits of that director’s arrest here – there are plenty of other sites that are doing that. Instead, we will talk venues: like that airport in Zurich (ZRH).

After all, airports have been serving up Hollywood arrestees (and others) since forever. Some memorable busts over the years featured these celebrities – followed by a brief synopsis of the allegations against them:

• Paul McCartney, in Tokyo (NRT), 1980 – marijuana
• Christian Slater, in New York (JFK), 1994 — firearm
• Axl Rose, in Phoenix (PHX), 1998 – disorderly conduct
• Dionne Warwick, in Miami (MIA), 2002 — marijuana
• Richard Simmons, in Phoenix (PHX), 2004 – slapping a man in the face

And there’s Snoop Dogg. In 2006 – he was arrested in London (LHR) and John Wayne in Orange County, Calif. (SNA) and Bob Hope in Burbank (BUR) – on a variety of charges.

You probably heard about this: Scott Weiland of the reconstituted Stone Temple Pilots was flying from LA to Miami last week (no private jet – it was an American Airlines flight) when, he had a seizure.

His folks have tried to downplay it, but it was serious enough for American to make an unscheduled stop in Dallas and have the frontman taken to a hospital.

But he proved his resilience – yet again – when he was back performing 24 hours later.

All the reports noted that Weiland has “a history of seizures”. Ah.

Imagine you’re Gisele Bundchen -you’re a cool and beautiful person married to a famous quarterback and you’re several months pregnant. What do you do?

You take helicopter lessons. At least that’s what the Patriot Ledger of Quincy, Mass. tells us. She’s taking lessons out at Marshfield Airport, south of Boston. And naturally, she’s terrific – or so says the guy who runs the helicopter company: “She’s excellent. She’s one of the best pilots we’ve ever seen.”

Of course she is. But then, she’s Gisele Bundchen – Supermodel.

Arghhh.

This was going to be a post playing off last night’s Emmys – you know, “You missed the Emmys, so why not fly to the 2010 Oscars” (March 7, 2010) — that type of thing.

In other words, how to be one of those geeks on the bleachers looking on at all the red carpet entrances outside the Kodak Theater – but – the deadline to nab those seats just ended!

Here’s the plan for Oscars 2011: go to the Academy Awards official website starting next summer – and look for an announcement about registering for the bleacher seats lottery (this year, registration was from 9/14 thru 9/20). Sometime in October, you’ll be told if you’ve won a seat.

If you do win, you can’t sell those seats, and you’re required to give out your social security number (and possibly undergo a background check) but otherwise, you’re golden.

It’s always fun seeing the words “drunken socialite” in print, and thanks to the New York Daily News, we can.

Witnesses in a court proceeding say Clare Irby, “a descendant of the Guinness brewing family” got a little frisky on a flight from Bangalore, India to London on Kingfisher Airlines (a five star airline, naturally). She allegedly got extra-friendly with a male passenger – in between bouts of screaming at flight attendants and ignoring her two year old child.

And at least some of the passengers started complaining about the PDAP’s (Public Displays of Affection on Planes).

The most shocking thing? Not the alleged thong-baring, but the fact that Socialite Irby – who admitted to being tipsy – was not lapping up stout. She was drinking red wine – and I’m sure there’s a Guinness or two rolling over in the Old Sod as we speak.

And…speaking of Guinness – did you know the Dublin-based brewery is celebrating its 250^th anniversary this year? Raise a glass – and keep your undies out of sight.

Pamela Anderson as a TSA officer?

Yes, that’s in the new TV commercial by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) – and that’s not all. Look for plenty of washboard abs, zipper pulling and naked couples.

Tons of visual overload in this one – only, it’s not playing in airports as PETA envisioned -no one will run it. Or is that what they had in mind all along? Making it a viral sensation instead?

If you must see the ad, I’m sure you can find it, but don’t look for it here. I like to think of this as a family values blog, the main value being, don’t do naked stuff for the cameras.

How high does Miyuki Hatoyama fly? High enough to get to Venus. Or so she says.

Actually, she wrote that in a book some 20 years ago, titled “Very Strange Things I’ve Encountered”. In it, she tells us that Venus is a “very beautiful place and it was really green.”

If you’re wondering how she got there, it was via UFO.

By the way, Miyuki’s husband, Yukio Hatoyama, once had a nickname, based on his appearance (something to do with his eyes) – he was known as, “the alien”.

I guess I’d have to say that’s a very strange thing that I’ve just encountered.

Well, that’s what they’re doing at Worcester Regional Airport in Massachusetts.

The “almost empty terminal building” is being transformed into a set for a movie with the working title “Wichita”. Apparently, the Kansas facility was no good because it’s all cluttered up with things like planes and passengers.

Stars include Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, and the Worcester Telegram helpfully provides information on becoming an extra in the film.

As always, my favorite part of the article was the comments section, which included this blow torch:

“Now the movie moguls know the big secret that all Worcester county residents have known for years. Worcester is a gold mine for empty. Empty promises , empty leadership, empty train stations, empty outlet malls, empty airport…and taxpayers with empty wallets.” -Anonymous Worcesterian

Ah, gotta love the first line in the Philadelphia Inquirer’s story:

“When regular folks get questioned by airport officials, we miss our plane. When it happens to Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan, fans burn U.S. flags…” -Philadelphia Inquirer, Aug. 17, 2009

So what happened? Mr. Khan, who came to this country to promote a movie, was questioned as part of a routine process that took about an hour – which caused an uproar among his many fans who called his treatment “shocking” and “disturbing” and “racist” (according to the Inquirer, in India it’s considered a status symbol to avoid certain security procedures at airports).

The Philly paper quoted a customs official who said what happened to Khan is part of the “routine process” for anyone wishing to enter the U.S., and that it took as long as it did because – while his papers were all in order – the airline lost his bag!

The officials declined to name the airline. Later, Khan said he understood that this was a procedure that needed to be followed, but that it’s an “unfortunate procedure”. Amen, brother.

Thank goodness for People magazine.

They let us know that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore suffered no injuries Thursday when their plane to New York had to make an emergency landing because (apparently) the engine overheated.

They told the world about this on Twitter. Tweeted Demi, “Yep it is always an adventure in Vegas emergency landing and all”. Tweeted Ashton, “Fire engines everywhere good times.” Good times indeed!

In case you were wondering, the couple were in Vegas for the premiere of Ashton’s new movie, Spread. Am not familiar with it. If you see it, tweet us.

You remember “Catch Me if You Can” – the movie/book about Frank Abagnale, Jr – a one-time teen con-man who pretended to be an airline pilot? Sure you do – think, DiCaprio.

Anyway, a 17 year old lad from Yorkshire, England persuaded some British aviation officials that he was about to launch his own airline. He set up “virtual offices”, held meetings, wrote articles for industry publications and – was eventually found out.

Turns out the kid suffers from a form of autism that (according to his dad) gives him the “ability to recall the exact detail of every airline’s flight schedules” – plus he is a very “enterprising and creative individual”. However, this also tends to make the boy’s behavior “highly challenging.” I guess so.

Wouldn’t it be great if he could somehow harness all that energy and really make it work for him? I hope he does own his own airline someday. If anyone could do it – and do it right – I suspect it’s this kid.

Just wanted to say thanks to the astronauts of the first moon landing – it was spectacular – and nuts to all the hoax believers out there (kind of hard to keep a conspiracy secret for 40 years, don’t ya think?).

I’ve enjoyed reading the “where are they now” items about all the folks who trod the lunar surface – for example, Alan Bean became a painter (nice); Harrison Schmitt became a U.S. Senator from New Mexico (one term); and Neil Armstrong is as gabby as ever (okay that’s a joke – he is famously publicity-shy – and I think that’s just swell).

Then there’s Edgar Mitchell – who made a moon landing in 1971 – and who has since championed the cause of aliens. Aliens from outer space.

Mitchell has been quoted as saying the following:

“I happen to be privileged enough to be in on the fact that we have been visited on this planet, and the UFO phenomenon is real. It has been covered up by governments for quite some time now.” -Edgar Mitchell, July 2008

Where did Mr. Mitchell grow up? Why – Roswell, New Mexico. If you ever find yourself there, be sure to try the UFO burger – it’s alieny delicious!

The San Francisco Chronicle reported that on a flight from Montana to Salt Lake, actress Sharon Stone by some accounts, had some baggage issues, i.e., allegedly bringing too much on board – and the paper went on to note that a fellow passenger said, “She made a scene during the entire flight.”

But the Chronicle, a fair-minded publication, also points out that Stone’s “high powered publicist” Paul Bloch said the whole thing was a big misunderstanding, that a flight attendant “shouted” at Stone, and “it was his client who was the victim.”

The Chronicle, by the way, used to be run by Stone’s ex-husband. Not for awhile, though.

Who doesn’t love Guy Fieri? He’s always so – so happy.

But I guess I would be too if I could travel the country for the Food Network and eat things like Krazy Jim’s Blimpy Burger or Sweetie Pie’s Mac and Cheese.

Well, next time you’re on the road (or smashed between two sumo wrestlers in that comfy middle seat), check out this handy site – to find one of Guy’s Diners, Drive-ins or Dives – near you!

And here’s a tip for you Road Warriors out there – next time you have to take the CEO out to dinner, ditch the faux-French bistro in favor of one of these joints. You’ll be flying in the company jet in no time.

Thanks, Gadling – for once again showing the way.

UPDATE: Gov. went to Buenos Aires, Argentina! Has now returned. Weird.

EARLIER: Fascinating case about “missing” South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford – and for those of you who think this is some sort of a liberal plot, I say ANY governor who takes off without security to parts unknown – at least, unknown (it seems) to spouse and staff – is asking for some scrutiny.

Especially since the story seems to keep changing. First, Sanford is hiking on the Appalachian Trail, and then he’s at Atlanta’s airport (according to a newshound over at Greenville’s WYFF News 4).

My theory: The governor was at Hartsfield-Jackson, because he found a great deal from FareCompare via Twitter – by following tweets from his home airport, @flyfromATL – and you can do the same, no matter where your airport is, by signing up here.

I’m sure that’s what happened – goodness knows it beats Mrs. Sanford’s statement, that the guv “was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids.” Ahem. You will recall that part of this disappearing act took place over Father’s Day.

That Dave.

In his Top Ten list the other night, he talked about the “Highlights of Sarah Palin’s Trip to New York”.

Number 2 on the list:

“Bought makeup from Bloomingdale’s to update her ’slutty flight attendant’ look.” –David Letterman, June 8, 2009

Like flight attendants aren’t dealing with enough everyday insults.

Did you know that Hollywood is one of the top tourist destinations in the world? And did you know that the movie star footprint place – Grauman’s Chinese Theatre – gets 4-million visitors a year? Did you know that’s more visitors than the Empire State Building in New York gets? More than the Palace of Versailles in France gets??

Well I didn’t know either, which is why we’re lucky to have the Los Angeles Times around to clue us in.

However, right now, business is down – the crowds are thinner and they’re not buying those little fake Oscars and other Tinseltown crap souvenirs. What to do?

Look for the discounts. If you’re ogling those movie star footprints and are approached by a representative of the venerable Starline Tours (think movie star houses) – bargain with them – chances are, they’ll cut the price of the $38 ticket. Or get a discount by purchasing online.

Or, if you can’t decide whether to go to the Hollywood Wax Museum, the Guinness World of Records Museum or Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum – understandable. After all, the first two are $12.95 each and Ripley’s is $14.99, but – hold on to your hats – you can buy a ticket for all three for just $26.95. You do the math! God knows I can’t.