Weird doings down in W. Palm Beach…

A Princess gambling “cruise to nowhere” is in port because its new captain doesn’t have a license.

The old captain was fired yesterday, which “set off a near-riot on the deck” according to the Palm Beach Post. In fact, the situation got so bad that Customs and Border folks called in extra security to make sure that the rioters – foreign nationals who live and work on the ship – didn’t get off the vessel, since they are not legally allowed on U.S. soil.

What prompted the pandemonium? According to the workers, pay cuts and poor working conditions – some said their checks have been late and bouncing, though the company denies that. Meanwhile, the company claims the old captain allegedly attempted to organize a strike, which is why a new one was brought in – though you might have thought they’d at least ask him if he was carrying his license with him. Hey, these days we all have to be concerned with our licenses.

Still with me? Well, yesterday’s cruise was cancelled for reasons of rioting; today’s was cancelled for lack of license.

Well this was an ugly mess.

Some tourists from New York were on a Carnival Cruise that stopped in Antigua and our tourists nosed around and decided to take a taxi to the beach.

But when the cabbie said, “That’ll be $100″, the tourists said, “Too much” so the driver took them to a police station where a brawl ensued. The tourists claim the cops were in plainclothes so they didn’t know they were cops and besides, “They started it.” One of the cops said, “Want to see my bite mark, the one that required stitches?”

While the trial was underway, a plea agreement was reached, and the tourists will be sentenced Monday.

Well, it’s not all THAT chaotic, but there is some interesting video of chairs hurtling along a deck of the Pacific Sun (of P&O Cruises).

The rumpus was caused by a really, really bad storm.

How bad was it? 40 passengers were injured (some with broken bones).

How bad was it? The waves were 23-feet high.

How bad was it? One woman texted a “Goodbye-I’m-Going-to-Die” message to her family.

Never would have happened if they followed the code I live by: Avoid boats in storms.

Radar Online has a new and improved list of places you don’t ever wanna see.

And I thought this list would be hard to top. I humbly stand corrected.

Radar’s list includes diseased petting zoos, brain-damaging midway rides and a hotel in Virginia Beach that Radar says “has plenty of availability since it won traveladvisor.com’s distinction as the dirtiest hotel in the United States‘.”

Oh, and don’t miss the section on cruises, where you can take your pick of “rampant food poisoning” or capture by Somali pirates.