You’ve seen the story – Delta’s new “red dress” uniform for flight attendants. It sure is getting a lot of attention, but not because of the way it looks (it’s pretty nice) – nope, it’s getting attention for the sizes it comes in. Or doesn’t come in.

It seems the red garment is not available in sizes above 18 – although apparently it is available in in navy blue. And the union that represented flight attendants at Northwest, who of course now work for Delta, say – that’s not right. They maintain the red should come in bigger sizes, too.

However, the union will not say how many flight attendants need the red dress in larger sizes or how many larger-sized flight attendants even want this dress in red (not many, would be my guess).

Strikes me as a union power play – and there’s nothing wrong with that. But here’s what I don’t get:

According to the Associated Press, “red dress” designer Richard Tyler says, “I want them to look sexy and great.” Now what do the flight attendants think about that? After all, they are constantly drumming into our heads that they’re there for our safety – and they sure got upset over Spirit Airlines’ “sexy” ad campaigns.

Flight attendants – what is the deal?

Remember the poor fellow who “ate something bad” and had to use the airline lavatory only it was blocked by a drink cart? So he ran to business class, but was stopped by a flight attendant who then claimed the man twisted her arm?

Well, basically federal prosecutors dropped the case – if he completes a three-month diversion program. Plus the man “had to acknowledge he did not handle the situation as well as he should have.”

My questions: Diversion program? Diversion from what? Makes you wonder if they’ll send him to bladder control school or something.

And don’t forget, this fellow already spent two nights in jail. I think he’s paid his debt to society, huh?

With everything there is to worry about in the world of travel today like catching swine flu – you’d think the idiots would calm down for awhile.

But, no.

A man rushed the cockpit of a Tel Aviv-bound Delta flight on Friday, banged on the door – and was then rushed by passengers and crew. Nice work, everyone.

I heard they tied him up with a bunch of seatbelts – “Here’s your straitjacket, sir” – and naturally, the flight had to be diverted. It went to Boston, where the cops were waiting.

Unfortunately no one seems to know why he did what he did. And that kills me – all this tsuris what with the delays and all – and no one even asks him why? Believe me – I would have.

So this man claims he ate something “bad” and had to use the bathroom. Like, immediately. But a cart is blocking his way to the coach lavatories.

This, btw, is on a Delta flight last month – from Honduras to Atlanta.

Anyway, he asks if he can use the bathroom in business class. No. So he waits…and waits…but as we all know, a watched cart never comes to a boil, or moves, or something. He can’t get by.

At this point, our Hero is so desperate – that he runs to business class. He says a flight attendant put out her arm to block his way, and he grabbed it so he wouldn’t fall. The flight attendant says, he grabbed her arm – and twisted it. Ow.

According to the AP, the guy was arrested upon arrival and spent 2 days in jail (seems kind of harsh, no?). What the story doesn’t tell us is whether or not he actually got inside the business class lavatory, but we will assume – mission accomplished.

Asher Roth may love college, but he also loves playing superhero – or so it would seem. In January, he participated in detaining a man who made a bomb threat on Roth’s plane.

Then there was Coolio, he of the Grammy award-winning “Gangsta’s Paradise” – according to TMZ, the singer was busted last week at LAX for allegedly having crack cocaine on his person.

Roth was on Delta, Coolio on Southwest.

I’m sure it doesn’t matter — heck, with all the cheap airfare sales going on now, I imagine they both got a fine deal.

“Don’t come near me,” the man warned. “I have a bomb. I have a bomb.”

That’s what some of the passengers aboard Delta’s flight 110 heard yesterday as the plane was getting close to landing in Los Angeles. According to a report in the Los Angeles Times, an agitated passenger ran down the aisle, pushed a flight attendant to the floor, and was trying to open an emergency exit while telling everyone — he had a bomb.

But that didn’t stop several passengers from taking action — jumping on the man, and eventually subduing him. It wasn’t easy, according to one of those passengers:

“He was struggling hard-core. He was going nuts.” –Chris Llewellyn, passenger who helped subdue bomb suspect

There was no bomb, as it turned out, but the passengers who tackled the man had no way of knowing that.

“I was glad I was on a plane where passengers fought,” one of the witnesses told the LA Times. “It was great the passengers got involved.”

Yes, it was great — even more so when you learn that a source told the paper that — there was no air marshall on the flight.

Delta’s Flight 47 from Moscow to Atlanta made an unscheduled stop in Newfoundland for nuisance removal — i.e., one of the airline’s paying guests was dumped into the arms of the Canadian police.

Delta isn’t saying what happened, but thank goodness for loose-lipped passengers. One of them told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the exiled passenger was drunk, adding “I was afraid he was going to try to jump out of the plane or something.”

Or something. It took 8-people — flight attendants and passengers — to subdue this guy, who managed to break his plastic restraints “a couple of times”. Then, when he was taken off the plane and put it a police car, he tried to kick out the windows of the vehicle.

Question: exactly when did airline travel cease being transportation and morph into “party in the sky“?

Isn’t that a great headline? You can thank WCBS TV. Stressful flight. Here we go…

It seems an attorney from New York is suing Delta for $5 million because the airline’s alleged incompetence and indifference left him stranded last October because of an airport workers strike. So…it was the airport at fault? Well, no, says Mr. Lawyer — Delta’s at fault because apparently passengers couldn’t rebook flights over the phone; they had to go to the “chaotic” airport. He eventually flew home via American — and Delta didn’t reimburse him.

I’d like to hear the other side — unfortunately, Delta’s people have that “Pending-Litigation-Must-Not-Comment” thing going.

But, here’s the kicker — know where the guy was “stranded”?

He was “stranded” — in Paris. For four long days. Poor baby!

Alright, alright…nobody likes being “stranded” anywhere, I get it. But if everyone sued because of “stressful” flights — we’d never have to worry about flying ever again because we’d all own huge and numerous private jets with Batman as our personal pilot because we’d all be RICH.

Wonderful story in the LA Times today (by Bob Pool) about a flight attendant who passes out crayons — to adults.

Jewel Van Valin started doing this after 9/11 to calm the nerves of anxious passengers.

It worked. People liked it. They still like it. And Van Valin has collected and kept them all. Now the Delta flight attendant is looking for a place to display what she calls this “Plane Art”. They should be seen, she says, because “many of these are very good.”

She’s right. See them for yourself.

What IS it with drunken passengers these days?

Used to be, they’d just sit there and get quietly soused. Today, they grab various portions of flight attendant personageorget real drunk and claim to be aterrorist (can you get any stupider?).

Our latest party boy was a first class passenger on Delta (see — it’s not just the rabble in coach);he got mad because he saw “lesser” passengers being allowed to deplane ahead of him. So, he put on his thinking cap, and decided HE’D deplane first — by pulling open an emergency hatch and sliding down the chute — whee!

A police officialsaid the man appeared intoxicated.And yourfirst clue was…?

A Delta official said,the manwill pay for his unauthorized ride.

It looks like we have another case on our hands of airline employees behaving badly.

Two former Delta Air Lines employees, a pilot and his fiancee flight attendant, are going to court for possession of opium poppies, which as reported by the Salt Lake City Tribune is a third-degree felony, punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000.

Now, it should be pointed out that at the poppies the two were in possession of can be purchased online, and that prosecutors acknowledge that “they’re everywhere.” However, along with the poppies, a small amount of marijuana and drug paraphernalia was found in the couple’s bedroom, leading to misdemeanor charges in addition to the felony charges.

Both the pilot and the flight attendant have been let go from Delta Air Lines (although the pilot reports that he retired, while the flight attendant claims she was fired). The real catch of the case is that the defendants claim the opium poppies were purchased for decorative purposes only. Regardless of why they wanted them, in the State of Utah possessing opium poppies is “the same as possessing cocaine or heroin.”

We’ll keep you informed to let you know how the decorating defense goes over, and whether or not the two former Delta Air Lines employees can have the felony charges dropped.

Yes, it’s true. Delta is shutting down 9 of its 42 members-only airport lounges.

If you’re a rich guy (membership costs $300 to $600 a year) and you fly to Boston, Cincinnati, Denver, Honolulu, Kansas City, London, Phoenix, or Seattle — well, by the end of the month, you’re outta luck. Delta’s shutting them down, to save money.

Not being a rich guy, I can only dream of the exotic charms of these lounges: naugahyde seats? A listless wait-staff? All the peanut packs you can hold?

No matter. 9 lounges will disappear. By the end of this month.