Serious topic, this.

If you are card-carrying (literally) medical marijuana patient, abiding by your state laws, you can carry up to 8 ounces of pot without being questioned, held, whatever — in San Francisco and presumably in most/all California airports.

This directive came down from the Justice Dept. this week.

One possible problem: where is the medical marijuana patient going to fly to? Laws in 30 states ban medical marijuana.

The DEA has arrested a bunch of people who were allegedly involved in an extracurricular for-profit business – smuggling drugs from Puerto Rico to the U.S. mainland.

The entrepreneurial entourage included 8 American Airlines employees, who worked in Miami and San Juan.

Listen, we know times are tough, but sheesh – crime is never the answer. Well, okay, sometimes it seems like crime pays, but really – it doesn’t.

AA’s Tim Wagner said, “We hope the actions of a few employees don’t reflect negatively on the tens of thousands of ethical American Airlines employees who work hard to serve the public daily.”

I’m with you there, Tim.

We get letters…

Unfortunately, we don’t get any near as good as “Dear Amy” gets – like the one from the woman who believed her sleeping seatmate on a recent flight was in a “near-coma”. Even worse, just before take-off, the Dozing One was seen taking a pill!

Boy did that get the letter writer worried:

“I tried several times to politely rouse her, but the only time she woke up was for the meal. I’ve been thinking that maybe it was a potential safety issue. Should I have asked her what she was taking when I saw the pills? Should I have told the flight attendants?” -from Dear Amy, 8-19-09

Amy responded by saying, if the woman actually was in a “near-coma” or had to get up, then yes, a flight attendant should have been notified.

Really? Raise your hand if you can tell the difference between “near-coma” and drool-leaking sleep. I didn’t think so. Here’s my response:

“You tried several times to ‘politely rouse her’ and she didn’t take a swing at you? Count your blessings, lady. Besides, she got up for a meal – I’m pretty sure the nearly-dead don’t do that. And – you wondered if you should have asked ‘what she was taking’ when you saw the pills – why, were you hoping she’d share? I doubt she would have, not after all that ‘polite rousing’. And sure, you could have ‘told the flight attendants’ – but I suspect they wish all their passengers were near-comatose, and would have chastised you for the ‘polite rousing’.” -Standard Upright Position, 8-20-09

Information, as they say, is sketchy – but an American Airlines pilot did indeed fail a breath test at London’s Heathrow just before he was to pilot a plane to Chicago.

Apparently security staff as Heathrow noticed something amiss – alerted the police – and the unnamed pilot was tested. We are presuming this was for alcohol, but that is not known. The passengers had to cool their heels for awhile, as the airline had to hunt up a replacement.

I’d say it’s a good thing someone noticed something – the Chicago-bound flight carried 204 passengers – I can see the grim headlines now.

Stupid pilot. By drinking – or abusing another substance – you risked your career, your life, and the lives of so many others. Fortunately, you wound up only risking your career.

So tell us, pal- was it worth it?

She kicked at seats, then roamed the United plane, babbling incoherently.

And for the piece de resistance – she allegedly drank a dispenser of liquid hand soap from one of the plane’s lavatories.

Not surprisingly, the culprit – described as a Russian-born artist living in London – caused the LA to London flight to be diverted to Bangor, Maine. She apparently told authorities she consumed sleeping pills, prescription medications, an undetermined amount of alcohol – and yes, according to reports, liquid hand soap (a UK newspaper following the situation helpfully informs us that “liquid soap is sometimes consumed for its alcohol content”).

The woman’s explanation for all this? “It’s typical of me. I sometimes do crazy things.”

By the way, she’d gone to LA to meet up with someone she met online. I’m thinking somebody is counting their lucky stars right about now…

South African Airways isn’t having the best few weeks. It seems they just can’t keep their crews from engaging in a bit of drug trafficking.

On January 21, a 15-member South African Airways flight crew was caught with cocaine and cannabis in their luggage worth about 310,000 GBP (about $442,168). Now, just this week, another crew from the airline was caught at Heathrow with 5kg of cocaine in their bags worth 250,000 GBP (about $356,597).

We’ll keep you updated on the latest crew to get caught in the act. In the meantime, why not get caught up on some other “out there” flight crew stories.

Hey, all — this could be the real deal.

Reuters is reporting that tests on the drug, tasimelteon — also known as VEC-162 — show it has the potential to work for people with “transient insomnia”. Meaning people who work the late-shift, as well as people who suffer from jet-lag.

Testing is being carried out at Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Harvard Medical School, in conjunction with the drug’s developer, Maryland-based Vanda Pharmaceuticals.

Here’s some of the initial findings: people using tasimelteon “fell asleep faster, had better sleep and woke up faster”.

And you thought it was just the airlines, didn’t you?

According to the always delightful “The Smoking Gun” website, an Indiana drug dealer sold cocaine to an undercover cop, and charged accordingly:

• One ounce of cocaine, $215
• Fuel Surcharge, $25

He was charged last week with two felonies for dealing – no word yet on whether or not he’ll also be indicted for gas-gouging.

A group in Denver wants the okay to smoke marijuana in Denver International’s “smoking lounges”.

Hey, who knew they had smoking lounges? Who knew they had FOUR of them?!

Anyway, the “Safer Alternative for Enjoyable Recreation” folks want their weed while they wait for their planes.

Yeah, right. Good luck, guys!

Oh, wait…didn’t Denver voters okay a measure to make possession of an ounce or less, within city limits…legal? Indeed they did.