Whoa! It seems a guy in first class on American Airlines asked for a glass of orange juice.

And with that, the flight attendant began screaming at him.

And she went on and on. Fortunately for this fellow, everyone around him saw what was happening and couldn’t believe it – and acting as a group, met with an airline rep to defend this guy, once their Sacramento to Dallas flight landed. Meanwhile, the flight attendant tried to get the O.J. fellow in big trouble, but the other passengers were having none of that.

Funny how some of the comments I’ve seen say, oh, don’t pick on flight attendants – maybe this woman was just having a very bad day. Well, apparently. But I don’t think anyone is picking on any group – including flight attendants – it just sounds like this woman is nuts.

Plenty of people out there are having bad days – plenty of people out there have seen their salaries chopped – their jobs disappear – plenty. But they don’t behave like this. This — this is inexcusable.

The one-time Qantas flight attendant who at first suggested actor Ralph Fiennes lured her into a lavatory for aeronautical hijinks awhile back, then later revealed she did the luring – was in court the other day because of “an alleged incident outside a restaurant”.

The case was continued. By the way, she no longer works for Qantas.

It hasn’t been all beer and skittles for Fiennes, either. Couple of years ago, Keith Olbemann named the Oscar-nominee as one of his endless parade of “worst people in the world” for his part in what the UK tabloids have called the mile-high “romp”. C’mon, Keith, surely there were more deserving contenders…

A passenger on a domestic Vietnam Airlines flight said he had $11,192 in his carryon, which he stowed in an overhead bin. Big mistake – I’d put it on my person or cradle that bag in my arms.

Sure enough, when the plane landed in Dong Hoi, he looked for the money, but it had disappeared.

Happy ending, though – flight attendants searched for the money as the plane continued onto another destination, and found it stashed under a seat (not the one the guy had been sitting in). The money was returned in full to its rightful owner.

Three flight attendants – presumably not the ones that discovered the hidden cash – have since been suspended, and an investigation is continuing.

True, airline fees have gone up and nobody’s giving away those cans of Pringles, but still –$11 thousand dollars?? You were kind of asking for it, buddy…

Do you even notice what flight attendants wear anymore? Me neither.

But maybe you will once Cynthia Rowley gets finished – she’s designing new stuff for United’s crews, and I trust it’ll be more exciting than that terrible 80’s look with all the bows-at-the-neck and those excruciating just-below-the-knee skirts.

Hey, maybe she’ll stage a return to Southwest’s 70’s hot pants!

How do I know about all these old uniforms? I have an inside source – a flight attendant – who actually collects uniforms, and puts them on a website (click “uniforms”), so you can see them too!

Gotta love this all-forgiving reporter from the New York Times – he sits next to a man who insults him, repeatedly stomps on his feet, snores loudly, and – the coup de grace – he grabs a flight attendant and knocks her to the floor. And yet our reporter winds up calling him, “one of the nicest guys I ever met.”

Apparently, the foot stomper suffered from an intense fear of flying, and was going to the flight attendant for help when he keeled over on her, and had to be revived with “smelling salts” (who knew that stuff actually existed?).

BTW, he was allowed to continue the flight.

Now, if this was you or me – we would have been booted off, pronto. Very strange…

Here’s a fine mess.

A former flight attendant aboard Oprah Winfrey’s private jet says she was fired after being accused of having sex on the plane (while it was on the ground).

I’m not going to speculate as to who Corrine Gehrls’ partner was but the chief pilot was fired, too. They both say, it never happened, and they passed polygraphs.

Oprah’s not the only one being sued -flight attendant Kirby Bumpus is also a target, as she is supposedly one of those who made the accusation against Gehrls.

Bumpus, by the way, is the daughter of Gayle King, the stereotypical BFF – and Oprah’s constant sidekick. Bumpus is also Oprah’s goddaughter.

The Australian airline Jetstar recently apologized to one of its 15 year old passengers.

It seems the girl got what she and her mother considered to be harassment on Facebook, when a male flight attendant – who met the kid on a recent flight – allegedly asked to become her “friend”.

According to Australia’s TheAge.com, the messages included the following:

“I’ve never wanted to add a 16-year-old before… um, well you seem quite mature maybe we might come [sic] friends. Here is my number….do you even have a phone? What area do you live in? Why haven’t you added me?” -Facebook message

The airline has since apologized to the girl, and her mother, too – and they are investigating.

A hat tip to Gadling – they know where all the bodies are buried.

Whoa.

A Boston TV stations is reporting that the FBI has questioned two flight attendants (and maybe more) who were on an American Airlines flight yesterday – the flight where ?a “bomb threat” note was found in one of the aircraft’s lavatories.

Here’s the kicker: again, per Boston’s 7News, those same flight attendants (a man and a woman) were also questioned about a similar incident that occurred two weeks ago.

In both cases, nothing was found – but the incidents resulted in tedious delays for the passengers.

I’m kind of hoping it’s not the crew. I mean, if it is, well…how creepy is that?

Sad and creepy story from the Washington Post, which points out that half of all scheduled flights in the U.S. today are operated by regional airlines. Piloted by people who make oh, maybe $20,000 to start -because the number of people flying has tanked and fares are cheap and pay has been cut.

How do you live on that? Crash pads.

Crash pads are temporary residences — like the suburban split level described in the Post that is the sometime home of 30 pilots, flight attendants, and other crew members. They’re packed into bunk beds – the basement sleeps 16, for example – and that’s how they live. A number of these guys describe themselves as “somewhat homeless”.

This is what happens when salaries are cut -or you’re transferred across the country from your “real home” – where the wife and kiddies live — and you don’t want to uproot them in case you’re transferred again. You do what you have to, to survive.

But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom – as a spokesman for one regional carrier says, the company supports “the right of our pilots to live where they choose…”

A California businessman on a flight from Hong Kong to LAX last year got into a bit of a scuffle (the AP story doesn’t name the airline) – and may be heading to prison.

He’s been convicted of interfering with a flight crew – a felony – and could face 20 years. Prosecutors said the man had been drinking when he punched an off-duty pilot (who was trying to restrain him) and then punched a flight attendant for good measure.

The convictee is now looking for a new trial – his lawyer says he had “a violent reaction to what he thought were sleeping pills purchased from a Chinese pharmacy, but the pills turned out to be Ambien.” Does that make sense? Anyone?

You’ve seen the story – Delta’s new “red dress” uniform for flight attendants. It sure is getting a lot of attention, but not because of the way it looks (it’s pretty nice) – nope, it’s getting attention for the sizes it comes in. Or doesn’t come in.

It seems the red garment is not available in sizes above 18 – although apparently it is available in in navy blue. And the union that represented flight attendants at Northwest, who of course now work for Delta, say – that’s not right. They maintain the red should come in bigger sizes, too.

However, the union will not say how many flight attendants need the red dress in larger sizes or how many larger-sized flight attendants even want this dress in red (not many, would be my guess).

Strikes me as a union power play – and there’s nothing wrong with that. But here’s what I don’t get:

According to the Associated Press, “red dress” designer Richard Tyler says, “I want them to look sexy and great.” Now what do the flight attendants think about that? After all, they are constantly drumming into our heads that they’re there for our safety – and they sure got upset over Spirit Airlines’ “sexy” ad campaigns.

Flight attendants – what is the deal?

A man aboard a JetBlue flight from New York to New Orleans last February (just a few days before Mardi Gras) – threw a what appeared to be a drunken fit on the plane, and could face some heavy time. Like, 29 years. Plus a million dollar fine.

That’s because the drunk in question – alleged drunk – made the mistake of claiming to be an Air Marshal. That’s called, impersonating a federal officer. He also claimed to be an airline pilot, and who knows what else.

Flight attendants said the man was loud and disruptive, as well as threatening. And he used the “b” word, the one that rhymes with rich.

Nola.com reports that a trial date (in New York) has been set for August.

Two rules to live by: Don’t get drunk on a plane. Don’t show up drunk. Don’t be stupid. Okay, that’s three rules, big deal.

That Dave.

In his Top Ten list the other night, he talked about the “Highlights of Sarah Palin’s Trip to New York”.

Number 2 on the list:

“Bought makeup from Bloomingdale’s to update her ’slutty flight attendant’ look.” –David Letterman, June 8, 2009

Like flight attendants aren’t dealing with enough everyday insults.

This is a new now-and-then feature which is going to rely on a fair amount of whimsy until some of you flight attendants step up to the plate and give us the real story.

Ever wonder what the most popular stewardess/flight attendant names were through the years? Me, too – only I couldn’t find that info anywhere.

But this is what I think they were. And I think these are the right ages. I think.

1. 1950’s: Emma –Average age 18
2. 1960’s: Debbie — Average age 22
3. 1970’s: Sunflower –Average age 25
4. 1980’s: Heather –Average age 28
5. 1990’s: Michael –Average age 35
6. 2000’s: Emma –Average age 65

*Things we’ve seen, heard, or thought we did.

Sort of a she-said, she-said deal here.

The scene: A JetBlue plane from New York to Seattle, last November.

The action: A 69 year old Seattle area woman said she is the victim of racism and anti-Muslim bias because she was not allowed to stretch out on a row of empty seats and take a snooze – as others were allowed to do.

The JetBlue flight attendant said she could not stay in her row of choice because it was an exit row and the woman was handicapped by limited English and physical limitations – but according to the Seattle Times report she was offered other empty rows to recline in. The passenger, a native of Pakistan, does not address this issue in the article.

More charges – the woman claims she was manhandled by crew members as she was escorted back to her assigned seat – and the flight attendant says the woman bruised her by grabbing her arm. The passenger also was said to be “unruly” and yelled and screamed at one point.

Bottom line: I suspect the language barrier was the real problem here. But – is that an excuse?

This happened last summer.

A woman boarded a Southwest flight in Nashville, heading for somewhere in California (the story in the Tennessean is a little short on specifics) and she was texting on her cell phone. That’s when a male flight attendant “rudely” approached her and told her “to turn off [the] phone and buckle up.”

The nerve!

She claims she immediately complied. She also claims, that didn’t matter, because the flight attendant returned eight more times to tell the woman to turn off her phone. Finally the flight attendant threatened to throw her off the plane and the “exasperated” passenger basically responded with, “go ahead” – and they did. The pilot returned to the gate and off she went. According to her attorney, the charges were eventually dismissed and now she’s suing.

Seems to me there’s a whole lot missing from this report. I say this because I’m pretty sure flight attendants are busy enough without feeling the need to tell people to turn off cell phones that are already off. And call me crazy, but do pilots really bother returning planes to gates and trashing their airlines’ schedule all because someone complied with a crew request?

Southwest isn’t comment (pending suit and all) – but you can comment – below.

A Queens, NY woman got into a bit of a scuffle aboard a JetBlue flight last summer.

It seems she lit up on the plane, even though nobody said the magic words, “Smoke if ya got ‘em.”

In fact, one cannot smoke on planes anymore, AS WE ALL KNOW. Ms. Queens however puffed away, and got angry when told to stop. In fact, she allegedly slugged a flight attendant.

Eventually, she’s hauled before a judge and receives a slap on the wrist – probation and a fine – plus orders to “seek out” anger management counseling. Alas, she was back in front of the judge again this week – for violating her probation – by allegedly assaulting her sister-in-law.

Now she’s being held without bail. Wonder who taught her anger management class? I’m thinking Wolverine…

I’m just following up from the story Rick posted on RickSeaney.com – and, as they say, it’s getting curiouser and curiouser.

The flight attendant in question (Kimberly Chase, 46 – works for Great Lakes Aviation) tried to get through security with two guns – handguns – and now the Denver Post is reporting that one of those guns was in fact loaded.

Money quote?

“The handguns were packed in a pink shoe bag in the front zipper pocket of a carry-on, according to a Denver Police Department report.” –Denver Post, 5-6-09

Interestingly, Ms. Chase was “interviewed and released” pending further investigation.

Would I have been released, had I done something so boneheaded? I doubt it!

You would think a 60 year old fellow from England would know better.

The gentleman in question decided his Delta flight was idling on the tarmac at JFK just a wee bit too long and he was getting anxious to depart for Las Vegas, so – he decided to open one of the emergency exit doors.

The flight attendants however, felt this was a bad idea and stopped him.

The interesting question in my mind is, what did he think he would accomplish? Perhaps he thought if he jumped out and ran around to the front of the plane, he could signal the pilots to get a move on? But then – how to get back on the plane? I don’t think he thought this one out very carefully.

Anyway, at last report, he never did make it to Vegas – the cops arrested him and he is facing charges of reckless endangerment. He should have taken lessons from this guy – who did get the door open – and took off.

Now this is one funny site.

It’s called “Uniform Freak” and it’s the result of a childhood obsession with aviation, and — flight attendant uniforms – an obsession that grew into a collection of about 800 outfits. Wouldn’t you know, the collector is now also a flight attendant! His name is Cliff.

Anyway, go to the site and click “uniforms”- and choose an airline – he lists literally hundreds of airlines – then click the airline to see the fashion show. My favorites:

Delta’s 1950’s uniforms -like something a grown-up Brownie Troop would wear.

TWA’s brief foray into “paper uniforms” – one of the more unfortunate trends of the ’60’s.

Braniff’s groovy Pucci mini’s.

Forget the 80’s – every airline outfitted every flight attendant in the same, dreary bow-at-the-collar-blouse with unflatteringly longish skirts.

Another disappointment – when you click Southwest, all you see are the prim shorts of today – and none of the hot pants and go-go boots of yesteryear.

South African Airways isn’t having the best few weeks. It seems they just can’t keep their crews from engaging in a bit of drug trafficking.

On January 21, a 15-member South African Airways flight crew was caught with cocaine and cannabis in their luggage worth about 310,000 GBP (about $442,168). Now, just this week, another crew from the airline was caught at Heathrow with 5kg of cocaine in their bags worth 250,000 GBP (about $356,597).

We’ll keep you updated on the latest crew to get caught in the act. In the meantime, why not get caught up on some other “out there” flight crew stories.

The co-pilot of an Air Canada Boeing 767 heading from Toronto to London earlier this year, apparently began having a mental breakdown somewhere over the Atlantic – he became distraught and belligerent, according to reports — and had to be forcibly removed from the cockpit. One of the flight attendants suffered “wrist injuries” while helping to restrain the co-pilot.

The captain then asked his crew to see if there were any trained pilots on board, and there was – a female flight attendant who stepped forward to say she had a commercial pilot’s license.

She quickly took over the co-pilot’s seat, and helped to safely land the plane – with 146 passengers on board – in Shannon, Ireland.

Bravo!

The incident which took place in January, is just now getting attention (see coverage in the UK’s Daily Mail) with the release of an official report by Irish aviation authorities – which praised the pilot and his “understudy” co-pilot.

The original co-pilot was hospitalized and later flown home.

A female passenger claims a male flight attendant for JetBlue offered to show her some pictures – pictures of the flight attendant, naked.

She says he also offered to have sex with her.

The passenger declined.

Not surprisingly, the flight attendant no longer works for JetBlue.

Just as well, since he’s sort of busy right now, what with his arrest and all.

From our friends at Consumerist.

Put this at the top of the list of “Surprises That Make Flight Attendants Cranky”.

This surprise took place on a Delta flight from LA to Atlanta. The flight attendants noticed that a restroom was occupied as the plane coming in for a landing.

So they prudently wait for the plane to touch down, then opened up the restroom door, and…there’s a dead body inside.

Presumably, it was the body of a passenger. No cause of death, and no identity has been announced, so far.

UPDATE: Authorities say the 61 year old woman (and yes, she was a passenger) died of a pre-existing heart condition. Sad.

Wonderful story in the LA Times today (by Bob Pool) about a flight attendant who passes out crayons — to adults.

Jewel Van Valin started doing this after 9/11 to calm the nerves of anxious passengers.

It worked. People liked it. They still like it. And Van Valin has collected and kept them all. Now the Delta flight attendant is looking for a place to display what she calls this “Plane Art”. They should be seen, she says, because “many of these are very good.”

She’s right. See them for yourself.