According a new poll, 4 out of 5 Australians say cell phones on planes would drive them “crazy”.

Oh, perhaps not clinically - but who knows? In any event, most would find these devices “hugely irritating”.

Don’t worry, mates - you’re not alone - nobody much likes them in the U.S. either (and here’s an amusing post on the subject, courtesy Rick Seany). But some airlines already allow them, and Ryanair is gearing up for them.

You’ve been warned.

I thought it was bad enough when some passengers found ticks on a plane (and, yep, that’s a tick in the photo to the left).

But I have to say, that’s been topped by infestations of bedbugs on planes (and trains and buses).

This is something they’re seeing in the UK - one pest control company there said there’s been a 40% rise in calls in the past year, from transport companies. The company is actually going to hold a conference on the subject!

What’s behind this? According to one expert, it’s “the enormous increase in international travel as a result of rising western living standards and low-cost flying”.

Hmm. Let me know where that “low-cost flying” is, would ya, pal?

Are you a sinner? You are, according to my boss, if you remove your shoes and socks on a plane and have the bathing habits of a crazed wolverine.

Don’t believe me? Check out his column for ABCNews.com.

Oh, and be sure and read about “Snuggle Bunny” and “Bean Burrito” and “Bin-man” and all the other guys that make flying such a pleasure these days.

Wait, did I mention the “Texting Twit”?

“Lavatory Lizard”?

“Yellular”?

Let me set the scene: a United Airlines flight from Denver to Des Moines is getting ready to go when, suddenly, alert passengers notice 3 ticks in the cabin.

According to United’s ever-unflappable Robin Urbanski, no ticks were found on anyone. However, the flight was delayed while a new, un-ticked jet was readied for service.

The Des Moines Register gave a fine description of this tick-ish mystery: “How the wayward arachnids got on the jet had not been determined.”

Okay, I have a couple of questions:

• 1. What were the ticks doing? Just sitting around?
• 2. Were there any dogs on board?
• 3. How does anyone happen to notice “3 ticks in the cabin”?
• 4. Were there any deer on board?
• 5. Were the ticks ticketed?
• 6. Why didn’t someone just stomp them?