Just read a killer article by Brendan Ross for Wired.

For those that don’t know, Brian is on assignment for Wired, flying all over on his JetBlue “All You Can Jet” pass and blogging about it. He seems to be having a pretty good time – or was.

Then sat next to “Shauna”.

Clearly, Shauna (fake name) was full of surprises. One of the first things she did was, inquire if Brendan was allegoric to dogs, as she proceeded to pull a pop-eyed little mutt out of her purse.

Then she insisted that Brendan entertain her for the whole trip (the TV wasn’t working); she also announced her bathroom visits to one and all (“I have to PEE!”); she also discussed her former career as a Hooters waitress.

My only objection to the article is that Brendan never asked me if I required an alias.

If you like creepy critter stories, you’ve come to the right blog! See our previous posts about “pests on a plane” which include snakes – ticks – mice – crocodiles – and soap-swilling drunks.

A family flying Southwest from Phoenix to Indianapolis got a surprise during the flight – the dad was stung by a scorpion.

In case you’re wondering, he told ABC News that it felt “like being stung by 30 to 50 bees all at the same time”. Owwww.

Nobody’s sure how these scorpions (there were a few of them) got on the plane, but there are suspicions that they might have arrived via the family’s luggage – they are certainly common enough in Arizona – but nobody really seems to know.

Southwest arranged for medical treatment for Dad on arrival in Indianapolis – and he is reportedly going to be fine. But still – yuck.

Yes, snakes on a plane – a plane in Australia, wouldn’t ya know.

But alas, no Samuel L. Jackson. On the plus side, nobody got snake bit. Not that it would have mattered. The snakes – four baby Stimson pythons – are non-venomous – they were also non-materializing when Qantas employees went to look for them in the cargo bay. Yikes.

They never did find them – and eventually the plane was fumigated and returned to service.

Poor snakes – they met nearly as ignominious an end as Mr. Jackson’s movie.

Got a story to share about a hell flight? Goodness knows we’ve told our share (remember the “Something about Mary” tale?)

Or maybe you just like to read hellish flight stories.

If so, Flights from Hell is the website for you. Entertaining and informative! And no, I own no stock in this venture. I just know a good read when I see it.

It’s almost as good as Etiquette Hell, but that’s another post.

Just finished reading a stomach-wrenching article on one of “the world’s greatest hitchhikers” — bed bugs. Yes, they are popping up everywhere, according to a company that “bug proofs” mattresses — and you want to leave home without ‘em — and return that way, too.

TIP: When you get into your hotel room, whip out that flashlight you always carry (okay, start carrying one) and examine the edges of the mattress for “dark brownish to black spots or stains that could indicate bed bugs” and if you see that, run screaming through the night. Actually the article doesn’t say what to do if that’s the case, but I’d opt for screaming.

TIP: Never put your suitcase on the floor or the bed of your room — always use the luggage rack.

TIP: When you bring your suitcase home, don’t empty it in the house — empty it in your garage (I’m not kidding, that’s what they say).

See more bed bug tips, right here.

According a new poll, 4 out of 5 Australians say cell phones on planes would drive them “crazy”.

Oh, perhaps not clinically – but who knows? In any event, most would find these devices “hugely irritating”.

Don’t worry, mates – you’re not alone – nobody much likes them in the U.S. either (and here’s an amusing post on the subject, courtesy Rick Seany). But some airlines already allow them, and Ryanair is gearing up for them.

You’ve been warned.

I thought it was bad enough when some passengers found ticks on a plane (and, yep, that’s a tick in the photo to the left).

But I have to say, that’s been topped by infestations of bedbugs on planes (and trains and buses).

This is something they’re seeing in the UK – one pest control company there said there’s been a 40% rise in calls in the past year, from transport companies. The company is actually going to hold a conference on the subject!

What’s behind this? According to one expert, it’s “the enormous increase in international travel as a result of rising western living standards and low-cost flying”.

Hmm. Let me know where that “low-cost flying” is, would ya, pal?

Are you a sinner? You are, according to my boss, if you remove your shoes and socks on a plane and have the bathing habits of a crazed wolverine.

Don’t believe me? Check out his column for ABCNews.com.

Oh, and be sure and read about “Snuggle Bunny” and “Bean Burrito” and “Bin-man” and all the other guys that make flying such a pleasure these days.

Wait, did I mention the “Texting Twit”?

“Lavatory Lizard”?

“Yellular”?

Let me set the scene: a United Airlines flight from Denver to Des Moines is getting ready to go when, suddenly, alert passengers notice 3 ticks in the cabin.

According to United’s ever-unflappable Robin Urbanski, no ticks were found on anyone. However, the flight was delayed while a new, un-ticked jet was readied for service.

The Des Moines Register gave a fine description of this tick-ish mystery: “How the wayward arachnids got on the jet had not been determined.”

Okay, I have a couple of questions:

• 1. What were the ticks doing? Just sitting around?
• 2. Were there any dogs on board?
• 3. How does anyone happen to notice “3 ticks in the cabin”?
• 4. Were there any deer on board?
• 5. Were the ticks ticketed?
• 6. Why didn’t someone just stomp them?