I’m sure you heard the news: starting this summer, if you refuse to give the TSA identification, you will be “denied access to the secure area of airports.” Am assuming these “secure areas” include those “secure ramps” that allow you to get on “secure planes”.

Fine with me.

Now it’s a different matter if you’ve lost your ID (or were a total nutcake and forgot it). You could be subjected to all kinds of “enhanced screening” and maybe “interviews with behavior detection or other law enforcement officers”.

So what’ll they ask you? We turn to our pals at Consumerist.com who tell us that the TSA accesses all kinds of info on you, everything from old addresses to wedding anniversary dates, etc., etc., so you might want to study up on your past and present life.

Personally, I can remember my childhood home phone number — but the rest — pretty blurry.

In the biggest affront to the Transformers franchise since Soundwave was left out of the movie, a traveler at London Heathrow allegedly was told he couldn’t fly because he was wearing a shirt featuring a Transformer holding a gun.

The shirt, featuring famed Autobot leader Optimus Prime was said to be offensive by a Heathrow security guard, so the man changed shirts before boarding. This is London quotes a Heathrow rep as saying “If a T-shirt had a rude word or a bomb on it, for example, a passenger may be asked to remove it. We are investigating what happened to see if it came under this category. If it’s offensive, we don’t want other passengers upset.”

What’s more offensive to me (and to some of those who left comments) is that the guy in question seems to think Megatron is on his shirt. Come on, man. That’s totally Prime.

A Mesa Airlines pilot’s laptop went missing last week at Washington’s Dulles Airport. This wasn’t any old laptop, mind you. It contained top secret security information that, as reported by Washington DC’s ABC 7 News, provide “the pilot, through a keypad, access from the gate to the plane and down to ground level right below the plane.”

Needless to say, this caused major security concerns. 17 airports including Chicago O’Hare and Hartsfield in Atlanta, had to quickly change security codes. While this situation caused general panic and some embarrassment for Mesa Airlines, it also raised serious security questions. Should sensitive codes such as these be stored on a pilot’s laptop? If so, what measures need to be in place to ensure that something like this doesn’t happen on a regular basis?

Naturally, we are talking about the President of Palau (which, as we ALL know, is an island nation about 500 miles east of the Philippines).

Here’s what went down: Mr. President was visiting the Philippines and was about to head off to Guam. It gets a little murky here, but apparently he was told he had to go through regular security procedures to get on board his Continental flight, procedures that include the possibility of getting frisked, and…he didn’t want to! So he left in a huff (most likely, a limo) and disappeared into his hotel.

Confession time: I don’t know where Palau is, but then again, I’m a product of the American education system, but I do know when a guy is a head of state, and Mr. President certainly qualifies so…I would have given him a pass.

Don’t worry, he did get out the next day…on a charter.

Disciples of the Marquis de Sade, this one’s for you.

It seems a woman preparing to board a plane in Lubbock last month set off the metal detector because of her nipple rings (or piercings; you know, metal stuck through flesh).

The TSA folks said, take ‘em off. Well, she tried, but apparently they were “unremovable”. So a TSA agent helpfully handed her a pair of pliers. That did the trick!

She wants an apology (oh, and she also hired attorney Gloria Allred– watch out, TSA!) Meantime, the woman eventually got through the metal detectors (which FAILED to detect her navel ring).

Tip O’ the Day: be sure your nipple rings are removable; also, listen to your mother and never to get ‘em in the first place (what about a tattoo, Ma?).

If you’ve ever cut it close on making a flight, or if you’ve had to change terminals to make and had to go through airport security for a second time in one day while desperately trying to make a connecting flight, you know that the 50 people in front of you with laptops can slow you down. The line just seems to pile up as people (most likely you included) reach into bags to pull out computers, portable DVD players, and any other large electronics they might have.

Well, the TSA feels your pain, and they want to do something about it. Or at least, they want to consider doing something about it. The TSA is in search of the perfect laptop bag; one that will let you run your laptop through while it’s still in its bag.

Keep reading to see exactly what the TSA is planning…

Sick of taking off your shoes at airports? Tired of seeing grandma getting frisked?

Tell the TSA!

Yes, the fine folks at the Transportation Security Administration have their own blog! (Thanks, Jaunted). Here’s the site–now, fire away, and keep reading for a sample comment that might sound pretty familiar…

Creepy story from CNN. A teenage boy is under arrest; he told the cops he planned to hijack a commercial jet, and crash it into a “Hannah Montana” concert in Lafayette, Louisiana (apparently, the kid is from there).

Would sound kinda funny, or at least like something out of a teen-angst-novel, if the kid hadn’t been carrying handcuffs, duct tape and a rope.

What is going on? Sign of the times? The odd nutcake? Did anybody not notice that the kid was acting a little weird? I’m depressed…

No, no, that’s the wrong answer and you should be ashamed of yourself. The correct response is, both have made the “No Fly” list.

The senator has since gotten himself off the list, but not so our young hero. The 5-year old Seattle area lad was at Sea-Tac last week, heading to LAX with his mom.

Then, the long arm of the law reached out: Not so fast, son! You Are On Our List.

Of course, it was Mom who got frisked. Go figure. But eventually, they got on the plane.

Saw this on Consumerist. And Consumerist never leaves you hanging–here’s their link to getting yourself OFF the “No Fly” list. Oh, and here’s some video of the kid. He seems harmless…

Well, yes, that’s what airport security had in mind (according to AP/MSN) when a 64-year old man showed up at the Nuremberg airport last week with a liter-bottle of vodka.

Security officials said, dump it or put it in your checked luggage.

Our hero came up with a 3^rd option. He drank it down. Of course, he almost killed himself (and wound up in a clinic for a few days), but he sure showed them, huh?