Here’s a fine mess.

A former flight attendant aboard Oprah Winfrey’s private jet says she was fired after being accused of having sex on the plane (while it was on the ground).

I’m not going to speculate as to who Corrine Gehrls’ partner was but the chief pilot was fired, too. They both say, it never happened, and they passed polygraphs.

Oprah’s not the only one being sued -flight attendant Kirby Bumpus is also a target, as she is supposedly one of those who made the accusation against Gehrls.

Bumpus, by the way, is the daughter of Gayle King, the stereotypical BFF – and Oprah’s constant sidekick. Bumpus is also Oprah’s goddaughter.

Of course, the principals “can’t talk about the settlement”.

But thanks to the intrepid folks at the Seattle Times, we have some details about the suit filed by former United pilot Lisa Stout. It seems she kept finding pornographic photos of women in the cockpits of planes she’d fly. On more than 20 planes. Over the course of two years.

United reportedly saidexecs passed the word that employees should not be stashing any porn on any planes, but Capt. Stout said nothing much happened.

Best part of the suit? According to the Seattle Times, United argued that Stout, who was also an artist, shouldn’t have been offended by this crap since she “sometimes sketched nudes…and she had attended art shows displaying photos of nude women.” Please.

Meanwhile, if you want to read more, click here.

Authorities in Dubai, that glitzy town in the United Arab Emirates, are cracking down on sexy tourists - yes, Aunt Ethel and Uncle Fred, I’m talking to you.

No more PDA’s – public displays of affection. And, don’t wear short-shorts or tight t-shirts or make-out in public. Or more.

It probably all began when those Brits were convicted of having sex on the beach – a definite no-no in this conservative region. So, the head-honchos of Dubai came out with “do’s and don’ts” that may or may not become law.

You’ll be fine if you use your common sense, but gosh, so many don’t. In case you need it spelled out for you: no mini-skirts, don’t swear in public, don’t get drunk and disorderly and don’t be a jerk.

Oh, and no sex on the beach, either.

You decide:

According to an anonymous tipster, Sen. David Vitter (R-Louisiana) either “freaked out” or “went ballistic” on an airline employee after he arrived at Dulles too late to make his flight.

Vitter, however, calls that description “silly” – and claims he merely had “a conversation” with an airline employee.

To an extent, I can feel his pain, because he arrived 20 minutes ahead of the departure time, but the door was already shut. However – he allegedly also played the “Do You Know Who I Am?” card, and I’m real sick of that one.

Oh, by the way: if the name Vitter sounds familiar, it’s because his phone numbers were found in the records of the late “D.C. Madam” awhile back – and perhaps some will recall his confession to a “serious sin”. Gawker has some additional details. Do they ever.

A travel site called GeckoGo has done a survey about travel and Valentine’s Day and hooking up.

And here’s what we’ve learned:

1. The ideal Valentine’s Day date is a weekend getaway
2. Least popular date is a home-cooked meal
3. 51% of travelers have “hooked up” while traveling

I can just picture this coming Saturday now – there I’ll be: home, unhooked, and making meatloaf. Hmmm.

Something new for you racy road warriors – it’s called TravelingEncounters.com and it helps, uh, those “who have a difficult time establishing and maintaining relationships due to heavy business travel schedules.”

Yeah, it’s a dating site — for travelers.

You get a “profile” in your hometown, and in at least 4 cities you travel to.

The people behind this site keep referring to potential users as, “progressive-thinking adults”. I’m not sure what they mean by that. Prudish political wonks? Toga-wearing tycoons? Sign up and find out (and then let ME know).

The Associated Press is reporting that one of the jets in the famed Navy stunt-flying team, the Blue Angels – will be out of action – because two members of the squad were having an “inappropriate relationship”.

No identities were released, but a Navy spokesman did go to the trouble of telling AP that this was indeed a relationship between “a man and a woman”.

The squadron will finish its last 3 air shows (in November) with just five jets.

Happy Halloween!

A female passenger claims a male flight attendant for JetBlue offered to show her some pictures – pictures of the flight attendant, naked.

She says he also offered to have sex with her.

The passenger declined.

Not surprisingly, the flight attendant no longer works for JetBlue.

Just as well, since he’s sort of busy right now, what with his arrest and all.

From our friends at Consumerist.

You’re probably sick to death of hearing about how in-flight Wifi internet access is going to flood planes with porn and how this group and that group are calling on airlines to add “anti-porn” filters to their aircraft and blah and blah and blah, but…

But…you haven’t heard everything ’til you’ve heard from Standard Upright Position. So here’s where we stand:

Use your common sense. Don’t have any? Then follow these 3 simple rules:

1.) Don’t watch porn if you’re sitting next to my kid.
2.) Really don’t watch porn if you’re sitting next to my mother.
3.) Don’t watch porn without a plot. Hey, I think I’ve just eliminated the problem…

A friend and I have been “collecting” emails from Spirit Airlines, to see which of their advertisements comes closest to being NSFW.

So many candidates.

Let’s see, there was the one that said, “We’re proud of our Double-D’s” (deep discounts). Then there was the campaign called “MILF Sale” (many islands, low fares — riiiiiight). Oh let’s not forget the “T & A” ad, and the one that made clever use of the word, “brazilian”.

Kind of funny to picture all these suits sitting around, cackling over how cool they are.

How many times have you sat on a plane and actually paid close attention to the flight attendants as they give their safety demonstration? It’s even easier to ignore when they eliminate the live performance and show the whole spiel on video.

Well, Delta Air Lines wants your attention…or at least the attention of those who find sassy, striking redheads appealing. As Wired reports, the star of Delta’s latest safety video is keeping eyes on the screen and garnering comparison to a certain Ms. Jolie, “the flight attendant has earned the nickname ‘Deltalina,’ in reference to everyone’s favorite Tomb Raider.”

I don’t know if this makes up for the long waits and rising ticket prices, but all of a sudden I do find myself very concerned about how the oxygen mask works and whether or not my seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. Check out Wired for a look at the video.

What’s all the whoop-de-doo?

Well, it seems Ireland’s Ryanair ran a provocative advertisement for back-to-school fares, featuring a uniform-clad schoolgirl.

So what, you say? Well, we’re not exactly talking about a 3^rd-grader here, and we’re not exactly talking about your average uniform (the killjoy nuns at my school never allowed midriff-baring blouses).

Okay, okay, you can view the photo here.

But Ryanair isn’t the only airline with naughty ads. Keep reading, you know you want to.