Do you even notice what flight attendants wear anymore? Me neither.

But maybe you will once Cynthia Rowley gets finished – she’s designing new stuff for United’s crews, and I trust it’ll be more exciting than that terrible 80′s look with all the bows-at-the-neck and those excruciating just-below-the-knee skirts.

Hey, maybe she’ll stage a return to Southwest’s 70′s hot pants!

How do I know about all these old uniforms? I have an inside source – a flight attendant – who actually collects uniforms, and puts them on a website (click “uniforms”), so you can see them too!

Are you getting as sick of this as I am?

The story: 100 passengers aboard a United jet on a runway at Heathrow were told to get off the plane – after they’d been sitting there for an hour.

Why? They were told the pilot was “sick”. But he wasn’t sick. He’d been arrested. The charge was “suspicion of exceeding the prescribed alcohol limit.”

He’s out on bail, and yes, United is saying all the usual things, like safety-is-our-highest-priority and we’ve-got-the-strictest-alcohol-policy-in-the-world, but you know what? None of that means anything if your people don’t do it.

And it’s not just United – an American pilot ran into allegedly similar difficulties at Heathrow earlier this year.

Is it really so difficult? Avoiding alcohol? I don’t think so. Millions of other people somehow manage to show up at work perfectly sober, day in and day out. Tawdry.

A 50 year old man from Anaheim, California was convicted last week of interfering with a flight crew. But the guy was very lucky — the federal jury deadlocked on the charge of assaulting a crew member.

The passenger in question was aboard a United flight from Hong Kong to LAX when he got “unruly” (love that word). According an LA Times report, prosecutors said the man “had been drinking and was so belligerent and verbally abusive that crew members, a passenger and [an] off-duty pilot restrained his hands with plastic handcuffs.”

Which didn’t prevent him from punching the off-duty pilot in the neck when the pilot tried put his hand on the guy’s shoulder to try and keep the raging fellow in his seat. That’s when he was duct taped to his seat. When he started chewing his way out of the duct tape, they brought out metal handcuffs which did the trick.

He could face 20 years, but prosecutors say he’ll likely get less time — sentencing is in the fall.

Don’t drink and fly.

You may recall that after the September 11^th terror attacks, the TSA ordered that the so-called “privacy curtain” that separates first or business class and steerage economy class be taken down. But now they’re coming back!

Well, it’s happening on American Airlines, anyway. According to the Chicago Tribune, this is because of requests from first class passengers – and they are delighted with their new draperies.

Same thing at United – actually that carrier started doing this a few years back, “in response to requests from our customers for additional privacy and comfort.” Gotta love the Trib’s response to that:

“It’s not clear to us how the curtains improve privacy or exactly what passengers in first class are doing on flights that calls for the need for privacy.” -Chicago Tribune, 6-17-09

Goodness! But personally I think the real reason for the curtains is, class warfare. First class vs. economy. However, if the first-classers want to pay 10 times what my ticket cost, I say let ‘em have curtains.

Of course, the principals “can’t talk about the settlement”.

But thanks to the intrepid folks at the Seattle Times, we have some details about the suit filed by former United pilot Lisa Stout. It seems she kept finding pornographic photos of women in the cockpits of planes she’d fly. On more than 20 planes. Over the course of two years.

United reportedly saidexecs passed the word that employees should not be stashing any porn on any planes, but Capt. Stout said nothing much happened.

Best part of the suit? According to the Seattle Times, United argued that Stout, who was also an artist, shouldn’t have been offended by this crap since she “sometimes sketched nudes…and she had attended art shows displaying photos of nude women.” Please.

Meanwhile, if you want to read more, click here.

Oh, I’m sure you remember this one: a Florida man sued United Airlines, saying they were responsible for him smacking his wife — because they “over-served” him (in this case, the culprit was wine).

It was a great defense while it lasted — well, in the Bizarro World, anyway.

But I guess all the headlines the case produced prompted some reflection on the part of our over-servee — perhaps some soul-searching. Whatever — late last month, he asked a U.S. District Court in Tampa to dismiss the case.

You can read all about this oddball case, right here.

Ah. It’s been way too long since our last “drunk” post. Well, 4 weeks anyway. So sit back and enjoy.

It seems a couple were traveling on a United flight from Osaka to San Francisco, and the husband had so much to drink that, according to the lawsuit (I love this) “he could not manage himself”.

And being unmanageable, well, upon arrival in San Fran — he beat on his wife — and got himself arrested.

So he’s suing United for negligently overserving him — he wants the airline to pay for his bail, the pain and suffering, you name it. United responded rather tartly — saying that to suggest “we are somehow responsible for the consequences of a passenger’s physical assault on his own wife is without any merit whatsoever.”

I have no idea how much this guy was “served” but it has been my experience that flight attendants say “no” to inebriated passengers. And, drunk or sober, nobody should hit anyone, ever. Too bad I have to even say that…

I think I’m in love.

United Airlines will now pick up your bags, at your door, and deposit them where ever you wish (well, in the contiguous U.S. states, anyway).

But, since United is not a charitable organization, you do have to pay for this service — $149 one-way for trips under 1,000 miles, and $179 for longer jaunts.

RickSeaney.com has all the details right here (plus some envigorating comparisons to FedEx).

As for me, I just fell out of love after remembering that I’m broke, so I will continue to carry on with my carry-on.

Saw this on Consumerist — and they got it from Gerry Braun of the San Diego Union-Tribune — and we bring it to you. Got that?

Anyway, it seems there was going to be this big family reunion in Hawaii. Tickets were purchased months in advance, a beach house was rented, all was in readiness. UNTIL — the day before. United told them the flight was canceled.

Only, it wasn’t. United reportedly, just bumped the family. Eventually they admitted that but never said why (couldn’t be because tickets purchased closer to the trip — more expensive tickets — would be more profitable for the airline, could it?).

The alternatives offered by the airline didn’t work — family members would have missed most of the vacation. Oh, and it wasn’t just a vacation: these people were getting together for a farewell visit to a family member who was dying in Hawaii.

You guessed it. Vacation was a no-go. Family member died. Read all about it.

Okay, lengthy article on airline food in USA Today telling us that while airline snacks are getting healthier, they still have a long way to go.

But, United can be proud; according to a rating system, UA serves the most nutritious stuff (they got high marks for their “vegetarian-friendly, trans-fat-free” Smartpack, which sells for $5 and contains granola, organic peach applesauce, cheddar cheese and other items. (Yeah, let’s definitely get that…shudder).

Somebody’s missing the point here: I for one, like my airfare cheap. So do you really think I’m going to spend a whole FIVE-DOLLARS on a snack?

That’s why it’s always nice to visit with the folks. You know your mom will pack you a lunch. It’s what they do.