Gotta love this all-forgiving reporter from the New York Times – he sits next to a man who insults him, repeatedly stomps on his feet, snores loudly, and – the coup de grace – he grabs a flight attendant and knocks her to the floor. And yet our reporter winds up calling him, “one of the nicest guys I ever met.”

Apparently, the foot stomper suffered from an intense fear of flying, and was going to the flight attendant for help when he keeled over on her, and had to be revived with “smelling salts” (who knew that stuff actually existed?).

BTW, he was allowed to continue the flight.

Now, if this was you or me – we would have been booted off, pronto. Very strange…

Fish, fowl or fun-loving humans, we are all Somebody’s creatures – so the death of 4,000 tropical fish is not to be taken lightly (especially since they were worth about half a million dollars).

Cause of death: unclear. But the 15 hours it took to clear customs in brutal summer heat at the Black Sea resort of Sochi ought to tell you something, I suppose.

The picturesque piscinies (what — you never made up a word?) were heading toward Sochi Discovery World — Russia’s largest oceanarium – when tragedy struck. And it was a tragedy to the oceanarium’s director who called it an “atrocity unseen anywhere else in the world.”

Think I’ll beg to differ on that one…

Gadling, you have the best stuff.

Like the item about the “European trendwatcher” – who says “an increasing number of people” are planning, not vacations – but liecations.

That’s where you lie about going away – lay low at home – and I guess go out to a tanning salon where nobody knows you. Add a dash of photoshopped vacation pix, and voila – the perfect liecation!

Except – flights are so cheap – to just about anywhere these days (and here’s my plug for FareCompare’s Deal Finder, which I really like).

I mean, why lie – when you could ACTUALLY GO SOMEWHERE AND HAVE SOME FUN?

Sheesh.

Just wanted to say thanks to the astronauts of the first moon landing – it was spectacular – and nuts to all the hoax believers out there (kind of hard to keep a conspiracy secret for 40 years, don’t ya think?).

I’ve enjoyed reading the “where are they now” items about all the folks who trod the lunar surface – for example, Alan Bean became a painter (nice); Harrison Schmitt became a U.S. Senator from New Mexico (one term); and Neil Armstrong is as gabby as ever (okay that’s a joke – he is famously publicity-shy – and I think that’s just swell).

Then there’s Edgar Mitchell – who made a moon landing in 1971 – and who has since championed the cause of aliens. Aliens from outer space.

Mitchell has been quoted as saying the following:

“I happen to be privileged enough to be in on the fact that we have been visited on this planet, and the UFO phenomenon is real. It has been covered up by governments for quite some time now.” -Edgar Mitchell, July 2008

Where did Mr. Mitchell grow up? Why – Roswell, New Mexico. If you ever find yourself there, be sure to try the UFO burger – it’s alieny delicious!

Oh, my. Last month, a woman on an Aeroflot flight from Moscow to LA was experiencing pain in her chest, and collapsed just as the jet began its descent.

Turns out one of her breast implants burst.

Now, ladies, before you get all uh, bent out of shape, doctors said that while the pressure differential may have had something to do with the woman’s predicament – the main problem seemed to be that her implant had been “damaged” before the flight. That’s according to reports I saw (and the woman is said to have recovered nicely).

Some bloggers have noted that the woman came to the right place. Yes, I know some of you will say, “South America is the capital of plastic surgery!” but we know Los Angeles is THE place for plastic. Good and bad.

UPDATE: Gov. went to Buenos Aires, Argentina! Has now returned. Weird.

EARLIER: Fascinating case about “missing” South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford – and for those of you who think this is some sort of a liberal plot, I say ANY governor who takes off without security to parts unknown – at least, unknown (it seems) to spouse and staff – is asking for some scrutiny.

Especially since the story seems to keep changing. First, Sanford is hiking on the Appalachian Trail, and then he’s at Atlanta’s airport (according to a newshound over at Greenville’s WYFF News 4).

My theory: The governor was at Hartsfield-Jackson, because he found a great deal from FareCompare via Twitter – by following tweets from his home airport, @flyfromATL – and you can do the same, no matter where your airport is, by signing up here.

I’m sure that’s what happened – goodness knows it beats Mrs. Sanford’s statement, that the guv “was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids.” Ahem. You will recall that part of this disappearing act took place over Father’s Day.

83 year old Ralph Squeglia has been flying planes since 1944. But where has he been landing them?

Yesterday he brought his single engine plane down near Miami on the busy Sawgrass Expressway, and called it a “perfect landing”.

His definition of “perfect” must be a little different from mine. Let’s see – he did miss hitting all those cars, but he clipped a wing on a light pole, the plane’s tail wing broke off – and, oh yeah – think I mentioned this – HE LANDED ON A HIGHWAY.

Nothing in the article about why he landed there – but Mr. Squeglia is quoted twice regarding that “perfect landing” of his. Whatever. I’m glad no one was hurt.

Feel the squish.

You will if you join the La Tomatina – the annual festival where people throw tomatoes at eachother.

Nobody knows why they do it, but they do – and judging from the pictures, it’s a ton of messy, decadent fun – and you can join the melee this August.

Read all about it here on our Deals Blog — which also tells you how to find cheap airfare to the festival.

Don’t worry, Mom: according to the official website, La Tomatina has?rules (rules? for a tomato fight??). One rule is, “Tomatoes must be crushed before throwing so that they don’t hurt anybody.”

Ole!

Terrible, terrible story about a woman who was on a flight from Houston to McAllen, Texas on Saturday when the plane encountered severe turbulence – and the woman broke her neck.

Yes, the seatbelt sign was on – but she was in the restroom.

Two others were sent to the hospital – a crew member and a passenger – they were treated and released. The unidentified woman underwent six hours of surgery -it’s not known at this point if her paralysis will be permanent.

Two things: When you’re in your seat, always keep your seatbelt buckled. And stay in your seat. Seriously. Use the restroom before you board – use it after you land.

Got a story to share about a hell flight? Goodness knows we’ve told our share (remember the “Something about Mary” tale?)

Or maybe you just like to read hellish flight stories.

If so, Flights from Hell is the website for you. Entertaining and informative! And no, I own no stock in this venture. I just know a good read when I see it.

It’s almost as good as Etiquette Hell, but that’s another post.

Always wanted to use “fracas” in a sentence…

The scene: Saturday night – Southwest flight 1402 from Phoenix to Detroit.

The situation: A witness said a 60-somethingish female passenger was waiting in line to use the lavatory when a man “apparently bumped into her”. Doesn’t sound like much, but it was enough to unravel this woman. As a Detroit TV station reported, “She accused him of trying to touch her and she just started slapping him in the face, going crazy on him.” Apparently she also fought with the crew – who decided to make an emergency landing.

The resolution: Lavatory lady was dropped off in Denver, where presumably she continued on to another restroom. That is, if the cops allowed it.

Oddly enough, there is no mention of alcohol in any of the scoops about this dust-up.

Now this is one funny site.

It’s called “Uniform Freak” and it’s the result of a childhood obsession with aviation, and — flight attendant uniforms – an obsession that grew into a collection of about 800 outfits. Wouldn’t you know, the collector is now also a flight attendant! His name is Cliff.

Anyway, go to the site and click “uniforms”- and choose an airline – he lists literally hundreds of airlines – then click the airline to see the fashion show. My favorites:

Delta’s 1950′s uniforms -like something a grown-up Brownie Troop would wear.

TWA’s brief foray into “paper uniforms” – one of the more unfortunate trends of the ’60′s.

Braniff’s groovy Pucci mini’s.

Forget the 80′s – every airline outfitted every flight attendant in the same, dreary bow-at-the-collar-blouse with unflatteringly longish skirts.

Another disappointment – when you click Southwest, all you see are the prim shorts of today – and none of the hot pants and go-go boots of yesteryear.

A magician who goes by the name “Wade Live” shipped himself from Syracuse to Las Vegas via UPS, as a publicity stunt (though I don’t think he got much publicity – this happened back in November).

All went well, according to the AP account – except for boredom (he had food and drink in his wooden crate but it’s unclear if there was a bathroom in there)-however – now the TSA and FBI are investigating. Some think it’s a hoax.

Is it possible to ship yourself by cargo? Apparently so – in 2003, a 25-year old Bronx man shipped himself from Newark to Dallas – because he was looking for a cheap way to visit his parents.

While I applaud his filial devotion, such stunts can be incredibly dangerous because of the extreme cold in cargo planes and little pressurization. And, it’s not necessarily cheap. The AP reporter covering the magician’s trip figured that his journey probably cost about $4,500!

If only he’d come the FareCompare first…

Saw this on gadling, and my ears are still ringing.

A woman at the Hong Kong airport was late for her Cathay Pacific flight to San Francisco earlier this month, and the plane took off without her. And she goes bonkers.

No, on second thought, “bonkers” doesn’t quite capture it — doesn’t quite do this angry soliloquy justice, so – you’ll just have to see for yourself.

I’ve missed planes before – and suffered in silence. It’s the Stoic in me. This woman has no such inhibitions. None whatsoever.

Breaking News from The Onion: American Airlines is now going to start charging fees to all its customers, and people who aren’t customers.

According to an Onion investigation team, “charges will include a $25 tax on citizens traveling with any other airline, as well as a mandatory $30 surcharge for passengers who decide to just stay home for the holidays instead.”

The story goes on to quote American’s CEO: “It’s never an easy decision to ask our loyal customers, as well as thousands of people chosen at random out of a telephone book, to pay a little extra, but that’s just the reality of today’s economic climate. We hope all Americans will understand this when receiving one of our new bills in the mail.”

New baggage fees will include a $15 charge for each piece of luggage in your bedroom closet.

Don’t know The Onion? You should.

The Associated Press is reporting that one of the jets in the famed Navy stunt-flying team, the Blue Angels – will be out of action – because two members of the squad were having an “inappropriate relationship”.

No identities were released, but a Navy spokesman did go to the trouble of telling AP that this was indeed a relationship between “a man and a woman”.

The squadron will finish its last 3 air shows (in November) with just five jets.

Happy Halloween!

Actually, I thought this “Weddings in the Sky” deal was going to be about skydiving, but nope — turns out to be nuptials a la bungee.

Anyway, take a look at the video that I saw on DarynKagan.com, and ask yourself, is this how I envision my big day?

I didn’t think so.

Well, we can all relax. That allegedly creepy guy who tied up the hands of a 16 year old girl (who was watching over her 9-year old sister) was engaging in nothing more than “horseplay”. Ergo, nothing bad happened – so – let the guy go!

Not so fast, said the U.S. Magistrate in Denver – she said there was enough evidence against the guy to move forward with assault charges.

One of the reasons the guy’s lawyer urged that the charges be dismissed was that “the girls didn’t scream.”

I like to point out that teenagers can be too embarrassed to scream. They shouldn’t be, but it happens.

Let us now turn to the subject of “anger management”:

A man was arrested at Boston’s Logan Airport – after he sprinkled a 7-ounce bottle of Dr. Scholl’s Foot Powder on fellow passengers as he pushed his way off the plane.

The fellow had experienced some lengthy delays on a US Airways flight (uh…no comment), and this apparently irritated the 42-year old man.

“This is what your airline gets for treating me bad!” - alleged comment from disgruntled passenger

Wow. Tough talk there fella. But not so tough with the actions. I mean, c’mon…punishment by foot powder? We do, however, give him credit for creativity. Which will no doubt be of solace to our hero, now that he faces disorderly conduct charges.

Here’s a weird one:

Some 29 year old guy seated next to two teenage sisters on a Southwest flight from San Diego to Denver – bound one of the kid’s hands together - yeah, he tied her up. Fortunately, the older sister managed to free her. The guy then tries to tie up the older girl, but it didn’t work. Apparently, this dark little episode went on for some time.

Did no one notice? Were these kids too afraid – or too embarrassed – to scream?

The finale: According to the AP account of this incident, “a flight attendant who saw what was happening then moved the two girls to a different row…[and the weirdo] was allowed to stay on the flight.”

I find that strange – but I find it even stranger that THE GUY WASN’T ARRESTED UNTIL A WEEK LATER. Supposedly he was drunk – like that’s an excuse. This whole story stinks. But I do have a final thought:

Hey, parents – teach your kids to SCREAM when something bad happens - and if they’re not sure it fits the definition of the word “bad” — have them scream anyway. Girls and boys — teach ‘em both.

I’m guessing Air New Zealand switched advertising agencies. Seems they’re going to start putting ads — in the form of temporary tattoos — on bald guys’ heads. Of course!

It’s to publicize their new “speedy check-in service” and those selected as ad space will get $666 for their “services” (and no, do not ask me how they arrived at that particular figure – I don’t want to know).

Those scamps. Thinking outside the box again.

A change-of-command ceremony was temporarily disrupted when a wayward civilian sky diver crash-landed in the midst of a military band.

Those military musicians really got slammed: the sky diver, who was going about 50 mph, left one soldier with a broken jaw, another with a fractured an ankle, and assorted other injuries.

And two sousaphones were destroyed.

After the casualties were taken away, the band — and I don’t know how they did this — continued to play — sans sousaphones.

A Ft. Riley spokesman had this explanation: “We soldiered on.”

Well…of course.

Do mummies move you? Keen on coffins? Have we got a tour for you.

VirtualTourist.com has a list of 8 top burial sites (via Reuters) that includes such gems as “Hanging Coffins” in the Philippines; the “Bone House” of Austria; “Sky Burials” in Tibet; or just good old-fashioned long-haired mummies in Peru.

Boy, oh, boy do they have something for everyone!

Now, just imagine the souvenirs.